things are starting to hit me now. up until now, the big day has seemed so far away. i am having a baby in less than a week now. uhhhh... yikes? yes, i've waited forever for this! yes, i've endured all of this hot summer i possibly can. but am i ready? are we ready? i feel like i'm not ready. our 6 month inspection is on thursday. my c-section is on monday. today i am 38 weeks, and boy do i feel it. everyone mostly gives me looks and words of pity when they hear about me having to get a c-section. right now, i am grateful about it. i am happy that i won't have to wait til august 8th or later (most likely later) for labor to start on its own. no siree, not in this heat. i knew the heat would be miserable. but now i know miserable is not the right word for it. this heat is like death. seriously. if i go out in it, even just for a second. even to just get in and out of the car, i feel like i might die. or pass out. or throw up. or do all of those things. i will never again do this in the summer....purposely.
i feel so un-useful. i hate this. just THINKING about cleaning the house makes me tired. i am so big and so awkward that doing anything is a challenge. i cannot handle this! i feel so bad because andrew will have to do almost all of the cleaning for the inspection. good thing he has weekdays off. i wish this so called "nesting" thing would kick in for me! ahhhhh.
and then there's the part about the 3 year old i have. i am scared to be alone with him. he fights me. i cannot fight back. i have no energy. i feel like a horrible mom. i just want to sleep, he wants to play. ALLLLLLL DAYYYY. And now i am worried for him. will he think i don't love him anymore when i have this baby IN A WEEK? i want him to know we still love him. he is still my baby too...oh i feel like crying! the hormones! what a mess i am!
Oh Alecia. I am so sorry you are going to cry. It will be okay. The end is really near and you will be fine. It might be hard for your little guy to get used to the new baby, but he will be fine. Braeden wants to play all day too and I am completely paralyzed on the couch. I try to think of fun things to do with him, but he ends up watching TV all day. And with my dizziness, I cannot drive anywhere to finish up baby stuff...it just all sucks! You have a week and you will be able to get back into a routine (normally) and not want to die in the heat. I have wanted to take Braeden to the park or outside, but even to check the mail, I swell up and want to pass out from the heat. UGG! I am praying for you that you stay sane the next few days and that everything will go well. It will be fine, but that is hard to see right now...(for both of us). I am getting an induction a week early from my due date so that will be nice, I just hope I don't end up on labor for 25 hours and then have to have a c-section. That would not be fun! Either way...let's get these babies here!
ReplyDeleteJax will be ok. It will be a huge adjustment, but it will be good. I think jax will be a good big brother, just give him time. He might hate mason once in awhile, but do we ever love our brothers and sisters all the time? He will also be curious and want to help. It will be rough sometimes, but I promise it will get easier each and everyday. Or call me and I can scare jax..... Hahaha....jk
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