So, I'm reading up on breastfeeding and......YIKES!
um i guess i forgot how much to it there actually is.
it was such a horrible experience with jaxon, that i swore to myself i wouldn't put myself through that ever again. my c-section scar, and the way jax would kick it. the way the boppy didn't work with my like it was supposed to (i think i was too fat for it). the way jaxon WOULD NOT latch on, even with the help of a couple lactation specialists. the way i had to wear a nipple shield to get him to somewhat breastfeed, and even then it was still a fight. they way that even when he did latch on, he'd fall asleep, OR keep his mouth semi-open letting the milk run out of his mouth, into his ear, and all over my belly. or the boob infection i got because i was SO FULL of milk that wasn't being used. the soaked nursing pads that i'd go through about every hour. or the hours of pumping, then feeding it to him out of a bottle i had to do. and the colic. the never-ending screaming baby that would not be soothed.
years passed.
then i saw this girl on facebook who was really really skinny. i asked her HOW she got that way and she said breastfeeding! then (quite sometime later) i got pregnant and gained about 50 billion lbs. i wondered (and still do) if i'll ever have my body back. will i someday not look like an enormous whale? so, i considered breastfeeding. yeah, i'm selfish like that. instead of thinking of the baby's benefits i think of my own. could i go through all of that again to (maybe, because i'm not like every other girl) lose some of this weight?
i think: maybe this baby will be different? maybe he won't act like he was sent straight from hell to test me. maybe he'll be calm and WANT to TRY to breastfeed? maybe we can bond better? maybe it will turn out to be a good time for the both of us. (like the books say) i like to think it WILL become easier with time. i wont have to pack bottles and formula & find the nearest microwave to feed.
i am scared to death.
the more i read up on it, the more i realize how hellish this will be for awhile. the more i realize that even though this is "natural", it won't come natural to either one of us. there are so many things to focus on and remember. so many "techniques". so much of feeling and acting like a milk machine and less like a human being. feeding sometimes every hour? no! i will have no life! no trips? no dates?
its so hard because jaxon was and is perfectly healthy, and he didn't breastfeed. he is smart, rarely sick and well healthy! not because of breastfeeding!
yikes.
the good thing about bottle feeding is, Andrew helped out as much as i did with it. we took turns a lot of the time. he had his bonding time too. it was GREAT for me! knowing how great that was, how can i do this? its all me here. no help.
i am going to try it. but if things don't go well, i won't beat myself up about it.
tell me, all of you mothers: what are your thoughts and experiences about breastfeeding?
It's a tough call, cause if breastfeeding just causes you so much stress, then it's going to cause the baby stress. You're still going to get the bonding if you're holding your baby to give them a bottle, and like you said, daddy gets that bonding too. However, breastfeeding does help you drop the pregnancy pounds at a much faster rate. I'd say set a goal for 2 weeks. Then your baby is getting the really healthy colostrum, and you have an adjustment period to see if you're really up for it. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI think you should give it a shot. I loved breastfeeding. I did it for 13 months with Braeden. Towards the end I wanted more freedom so I stopped. I really enjoyed it though. I got to where I could feed walking around the zoo...super convenient. It is a tough thing, but then I didn't really struggle with Braed. I just remember the milk coming in and wanting to die. Hopefully it works out for you and you will enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be honest and say that it is hard! Olivia is the first baby thay I have never given a bottle too. I freak about how much my kids are eating and with breast feeding you don't really know. But I am determined to get through a year with one of my kids. (my other two only made it 6 months) once cried both times i stopped nursing too. For me it's hard when I am doing it but I miss it so much when I stop. Honestly a good lactation specialist makes all the difference in the world. I had the best one with olivia, and I had her help me multiple times a day for 4 days until I felt super confident that I had it all right. I think you should give it a try and if it doesn't work out than it doesn't but at least you tried. The first 6 weeks are the hardest so I would say try to make it past that and then make a choice. You can also still give your baby a bottle sometimes so that you can have a break.
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