i felt the mason bear move!
{ okay, jax is my "bear". what should i call mason? bird? bug? giraffe? monster? yeah, i think i'll do monster..}
i felt the mason monster move! his movement resembles nothing like that of a monster, it happens rarely and is more gentle. i'm hoping this means he's not gonna be a hyper crazy person?? he'll be shy and gentle. i can hope.
i felt him move at 19 weeks exactly. tomorrow i'll be 20 weeks! more than half way through. i get c-sections so i get to go at 39 weeks! yessss!
CRAVINGS:
-dill pickles , the "claussen" brand. most expensive , but worth it.
-jumbo smarties suckers (the pink and purple kind)
-special K cereal, with fruit and yogurt bits
my mouth is watering now..
we got another ultrasound last week but the stinker likes to hide in the fold of my uterus tissue
( pretty picture, huh? ) , therefore seeing his handsome little face & inside his heart is basically impossible. we did get one creepy face shot, and lets just hope he gets cuter, and less alien-like. haha. of course he will- no one read this the wrong way and think i hate my unborn baby! please, i beg of you! he's gonna be a stud with dark hair. he has to. 3 out of 4 of my kids are supposed to have dark hair.. (since i do, and that's dominant) jax was blonde but is going a bit darker, but mason is a dark haired name, therefore, he will be dark!
anyway since monster man wouldn't move out of my tissue, we have scheduled yet ANOTHER ultrasound (this will be ultrasound #5 with this booger) to check his upper lip and heart. i actually love the ultrasounds, they are fun! its fun to see the stinky thing moving around! i think next time he'll wave at us!
oh and did i mention my sonographer is MAKING me drink 6 bottles of water a day? that's over 96 oz people! if that doesn't kill me ...i don't know what will! eeek!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
movement & such
I am 18 weeks and 2 days today and i still have NOT felt this stinky man child move.
what the heck?
with jax, i felt movement at 14 weeks, i am not even kidding. i know thats early, but its the truth.
the sonographer said she sees him moving around like a normal baby, but why don't i feel it?!
it sort of upsets me.
in other news..
we are pretty set on the name Mason. I've loved Mason Mckay for a pretty long time now. Andrew doesn't like Mckay, and he also brought to my attention that it doesn't have any special importance. its just a name i pulled out of thin air. i didn't care about this though at first, and now i'm starting to. i am thinking more and more about how names to need to mean something. i know now that i want Mason named after my Dad. His first name is Joseph.
so...
its Joseph Mason
or Mason Joseph
?
neither one rolls of my tongue great. but i WILL name him after my dad. which do you like best?
AND
we're decorating in Monsters! yay! so fun. my friend kim has gotten me all pumped up about how cute its gonna be. she's amazing at creating just about anything, so i am very excited to help make Mason's room. His colors are red, gray, blue and yellow. jax's room is jungle and his colors are light green, dark green, orange, yellow, brown and tan. i want Mason's room to be completely different. And i want his favorite color to be red. with jax , i wanted his favorite color to be green and i succeeded!
anyway jax is getting more and more excited for his brother, although he STILL says he wants a stister! what the heck! i told him someday, he should hopefully get one of each. he's already choosing out his and mason's halloween costumes. i sure do love that boy. i can't wait to see what mason'll be like. no one could have as much personality as jax! i am hoping mason will just be a calm sweetheart that wants to cuddle with his mama.
August 1st seems so far away!
what the heck?
with jax, i felt movement at 14 weeks, i am not even kidding. i know thats early, but its the truth.
the sonographer said she sees him moving around like a normal baby, but why don't i feel it?!
it sort of upsets me.
in other news..
we are pretty set on the name Mason. I've loved Mason Mckay for a pretty long time now. Andrew doesn't like Mckay, and he also brought to my attention that it doesn't have any special importance. its just a name i pulled out of thin air. i didn't care about this though at first, and now i'm starting to. i am thinking more and more about how names to need to mean something. i know now that i want Mason named after my Dad. His first name is Joseph.
so...
its Joseph Mason
or Mason Joseph
?
neither one rolls of my tongue great. but i WILL name him after my dad. which do you like best?
AND
we're decorating in Monsters! yay! so fun. my friend kim has gotten me all pumped up about how cute its gonna be. she's amazing at creating just about anything, so i am very excited to help make Mason's room. His colors are red, gray, blue and yellow. jax's room is jungle and his colors are light green, dark green, orange, yellow, brown and tan. i want Mason's room to be completely different. And i want his favorite color to be red. with jax , i wanted his favorite color to be green and i succeeded!
anyway jax is getting more and more excited for his brother, although he STILL says he wants a stister! what the heck! i told him someday, he should hopefully get one of each. he's already choosing out his and mason's halloween costumes. i sure do love that boy. i can't wait to see what mason'll be like. no one could have as much personality as jax! i am hoping mason will just be a calm sweetheart that wants to cuddle with his mama.
August 1st seems so far away!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
not done.
Actually no, i'm not done.
i'll never be done. because this is ME. some people can't handle me and that's okay. go live your own life and don't blog stalk me. (you know who you are . you quit "following" my blogs and you blocked me from yours, so why on Earth are you still silently reading mine?)
i am not ashamed of what i wrote and anyone who knows me knows i will love my new son unconditionally. i love jax more than anything in this world. i really shouldn't have to be saying this. don't ever tell a mom she doesn't love her kids! unless you wanna get beat up!
i wrote what i felt, which was real. people who think i am evil for writing things that are negative need to look in the mirror because you can't say you've never had the thoughts that i choose to voice out loud? if so, you're in denial. its perfectly normal to feel disappointment, regret, and all those other negative emotions, just as it is to feel the happy ones. unfortunately, the blogging world is all about sugar coating your life so people will think you are a perfect person. well i don't need anyone to think i'm perfect, i'd rather be thought of as real.
i am so blessed to have so many friends that have my back. but you know of course , it takes one negative comment to break me down. and it did. i wish i could say it didn't, because this person does not deserve that satisfaction. i have never been so upset with someone my age since probably middle school. she must be glad she succeeded , right? people who are surprised by my meanness and tell me things like "i'll lose all my friends" and i "disappoint them", have apparently never pissed me off. i'm not one to piss off, ESPECIALLY when i'm pregnant.
in other news, i have some very sweet people in my life to thank. i have a friend who has lent me some maternity clothes . i didn't even ask her. she even let me borrow her vicki's bra. its soooo soft and i just love it. she is such a great friend! you know who you are :) and another friend, who always tries to understand me and now that i'm having a boy, she can totally relate with how i feel. she's helping me get really exciting about having a second boy. she helped me choose a cute theme and colors and she is going to make the baby EVERYTHING. (she's very talented that way!) I'm so excited to get working on all of it and to share it with you! i'm also thankful for my mom. i called her and cried and cried and she didn't once judge me or tell me i'm horrible for feeling the way i felt. i guess she knows me the best. she knows i love my jax more than anything, and that i'll love this baby the same way. she really helped me feel better by just being there to listen to me cry about it. (which is sometimes all you need) I also have a whole buttload of facebook and blogger friends who have told me things to help me feel better. its so nice to feel that support and know i am cared about by many. I am blessed. so blessed. I just don't do well with the select few who want to tear me down. my strong suit in life is definitely not keeping my mouth shut when someone attacks me.
anyway. i'm not done blogging. its what i do, and i love all the sweet feedback and advice i get from all you REAL moms & even those who aren't moms yet. i have a lot of thank you notes i should write :)
i'll never be done. because this is ME. some people can't handle me and that's okay. go live your own life and don't blog stalk me. (you know who you are . you quit "following" my blogs and you blocked me from yours, so why on Earth are you still silently reading mine?)
i am not ashamed of what i wrote and anyone who knows me knows i will love my new son unconditionally. i love jax more than anything in this world. i really shouldn't have to be saying this. don't ever tell a mom she doesn't love her kids! unless you wanna get beat up!
i wrote what i felt, which was real. people who think i am evil for writing things that are negative need to look in the mirror because you can't say you've never had the thoughts that i choose to voice out loud? if so, you're in denial. its perfectly normal to feel disappointment, regret, and all those other negative emotions, just as it is to feel the happy ones. unfortunately, the blogging world is all about sugar coating your life so people will think you are a perfect person. well i don't need anyone to think i'm perfect, i'd rather be thought of as real.
i am so blessed to have so many friends that have my back. but you know of course , it takes one negative comment to break me down. and it did. i wish i could say it didn't, because this person does not deserve that satisfaction. i have never been so upset with someone my age since probably middle school. she must be glad she succeeded , right? people who are surprised by my meanness and tell me things like "i'll lose all my friends" and i "disappoint them", have apparently never pissed me off. i'm not one to piss off, ESPECIALLY when i'm pregnant.
in other news, i have some very sweet people in my life to thank. i have a friend who has lent me some maternity clothes . i didn't even ask her. she even let me borrow her vicki's bra. its soooo soft and i just love it. she is such a great friend! you know who you are :) and another friend, who always tries to understand me and now that i'm having a boy, she can totally relate with how i feel. she's helping me get really exciting about having a second boy. she helped me choose a cute theme and colors and she is going to make the baby EVERYTHING. (she's very talented that way!) I'm so excited to get working on all of it and to share it with you! i'm also thankful for my mom. i called her and cried and cried and she didn't once judge me or tell me i'm horrible for feeling the way i felt. i guess she knows me the best. she knows i love my jax more than anything, and that i'll love this baby the same way. she really helped me feel better by just being there to listen to me cry about it. (which is sometimes all you need) I also have a whole buttload of facebook and blogger friends who have told me things to help me feel better. its so nice to feel that support and know i am cared about by many. I am blessed. so blessed. I just don't do well with the select few who want to tear me down. my strong suit in life is definitely not keeping my mouth shut when someone attacks me.
anyway. i'm not done blogging. its what i do, and i love all the sweet feedback and advice i get from all you REAL moms & even those who aren't moms yet. i have a lot of thank you notes i should write :)
DONE.
i just got some very very hurtful posts from people who apparently don't have a life. saying stuff like "if child services could see what you wrote" ...blah blah. anyway, i'm done with this blog. i can't handle the rudeness of some people.
so looks like some of you got your wish. i'm off.
so looks like some of you got your wish. i'm off.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Its a...
{warning: this will most definitely be a whiny , complaining post, which i KNOW i have absolutely no right to do so due to the fact that it took me exactly 18 months to finally get pregnant. but listen, i'm pregnant, i'm hormonal, and well that's a good enough reason for any act of behavior.}
jax is getting a brother.
yep, so its a boy.
today was a very very very hard day for me. i believe i have now gathered myself enough to write this.
i've told myself on and off that this baby was a boy. but i told myself this in a sort of reverse psychology type of way. you see, i thought if i pretended like it was a boy for long enough, well that life would be life, and give me the opposite. but what i didn't realize is that deep in the back of my mind, okay well maybe not so deep, i really really really thought it was a girl. i even bought a few cute little summer dresses. See how well i did with pretending it was a boy? my plan didn't work so well. Andrew thought it was a girl. He said he might as well hope for one, and i told him that's only gonna hurt when we find out its a boy. ha, yeah i needed to take my own advice. as for jax, he thought it was a "stister". he was set on this, infact. i thought, who better to believe than a 3 year old right? he surely would know the gender if anyone would, right? i believe in the whole kids knowing more than we think thing. jax was wrong. i've been trying to convince him this whole day that its a brother, not a stister.
the first time we did the gender check (last week) , the baby wouldn't spread his legs. i THOUGHT i saw balls. yep, i probably did actually. my fluid was low and the baby wouldn't move or wake up, so we had to reschedule. the sonographer said that those "balls" i saw could just as easily be a "swollen labia" (woman parts). that gave me some hope, but i was more set than ever that it was a boy. the sonographer said she thought it was a boy but only by 1%. she said its still pretty 50/50. i told myself it was boy. but, i really didn't apparently. because today when we did see that little wiener sticking up THREE times, tears came instantly. luckily, i was able to hold them back til we got out of the office. then it started. it was like a dam had broke, i could NOT stop crying. i cried because i wanted a girl. i cried because i knew how rotten of a person i was to be crying over having a boy. i cried because, i know, i just know my little boy can watch me from heaven whenever he wants and at that moment i'm sure he felt like crap. i cried because i didn't deserve this, i was being selfish. i thought having three brothers and no sisters was bad enough, now TWO little boys? i cried because mentally, I CAN'T handle another jaxon. everything (well besides health issues, i'm very lucky) that CAN go wrong with a baby, did with jaxon. he refused to breastfeed , when i tried my absolute hardest. he would only take a special bottle with a special nipple and a special binky that can't be found just anywhere. he has colic for 5 months, he didn't sleep through the night EVER until he was 13 months old and we left him in a room all night to cry it out. he hates to eat. he hates to sleep. potty training the kid is misery. he's as cute as heck, but my HELL , can i do this again?! do i want to? do i deserve an easier kid? yes, yes i do. and i thought that meant a girl, naturally. i only have one kid, a boy, and he's put me through a lot of crap. i love him a lot, i really really do. but somedays i want to quit. i want to run far far away. i don't want to ever be a mom again. rough stuff. (hey i warned you about the complaining. its my blog)
anyway.
i'm having a boy. and just to make matters worse, the childrens place, Target AND old navy, decided that baby boys don't need clothes like baby girls do. i'm not even kidding here. there were like 100 girl outfits to 5 boy outfits. ask me why i put myself through the torture of going baby shopping today? ask me why i made the choice to walk into a store where i would surely be surrounded by a billion cute , frilly, yellow summer dresses? well, i told myself i wouldn't look. my plan was to go to the boy stuff, find something waaaay cute, and buy it as sort of a "celebratory , i just found out i'm having a boy" act. i thought this could cheer me up. instead, i did some more crying. yes, in the store. wow, it was bad. but i did manage to find one thing i approved of. well two. a cute little outfit and some little flip-flops.
did i mention August is a girl month?
ok, i'm done.
jax is getting a brother.
yep, so its a boy.
today was a very very very hard day for me. i believe i have now gathered myself enough to write this.
i've told myself on and off that this baby was a boy. but i told myself this in a sort of reverse psychology type of way. you see, i thought if i pretended like it was a boy for long enough, well that life would be life, and give me the opposite. but what i didn't realize is that deep in the back of my mind, okay well maybe not so deep, i really really really thought it was a girl. i even bought a few cute little summer dresses. See how well i did with pretending it was a boy? my plan didn't work so well. Andrew thought it was a girl. He said he might as well hope for one, and i told him that's only gonna hurt when we find out its a boy. ha, yeah i needed to take my own advice. as for jax, he thought it was a "stister". he was set on this, infact. i thought, who better to believe than a 3 year old right? he surely would know the gender if anyone would, right? i believe in the whole kids knowing more than we think thing. jax was wrong. i've been trying to convince him this whole day that its a brother, not a stister.
the first time we did the gender check (last week) , the baby wouldn't spread his legs. i THOUGHT i saw balls. yep, i probably did actually. my fluid was low and the baby wouldn't move or wake up, so we had to reschedule. the sonographer said that those "balls" i saw could just as easily be a "swollen labia" (woman parts). that gave me some hope, but i was more set than ever that it was a boy. the sonographer said she thought it was a boy but only by 1%. she said its still pretty 50/50. i told myself it was boy. but, i really didn't apparently. because today when we did see that little wiener sticking up THREE times, tears came instantly. luckily, i was able to hold them back til we got out of the office. then it started. it was like a dam had broke, i could NOT stop crying. i cried because i wanted a girl. i cried because i knew how rotten of a person i was to be crying over having a boy. i cried because, i know, i just know my little boy can watch me from heaven whenever he wants and at that moment i'm sure he felt like crap. i cried because i didn't deserve this, i was being selfish. i thought having three brothers and no sisters was bad enough, now TWO little boys? i cried because mentally, I CAN'T handle another jaxon. everything (well besides health issues, i'm very lucky) that CAN go wrong with a baby, did with jaxon. he refused to breastfeed , when i tried my absolute hardest. he would only take a special bottle with a special nipple and a special binky that can't be found just anywhere. he has colic for 5 months, he didn't sleep through the night EVER until he was 13 months old and we left him in a room all night to cry it out. he hates to eat. he hates to sleep. potty training the kid is misery. he's as cute as heck, but my HELL , can i do this again?! do i want to? do i deserve an easier kid? yes, yes i do. and i thought that meant a girl, naturally. i only have one kid, a boy, and he's put me through a lot of crap. i love him a lot, i really really do. but somedays i want to quit. i want to run far far away. i don't want to ever be a mom again. rough stuff. (hey i warned you about the complaining. its my blog)
anyway.
i'm having a boy. and just to make matters worse, the childrens place, Target AND old navy, decided that baby boys don't need clothes like baby girls do. i'm not even kidding here. there were like 100 girl outfits to 5 boy outfits. ask me why i put myself through the torture of going baby shopping today? ask me why i made the choice to walk into a store where i would surely be surrounded by a billion cute , frilly, yellow summer dresses? well, i told myself i wouldn't look. my plan was to go to the boy stuff, find something waaaay cute, and buy it as sort of a "celebratory , i just found out i'm having a boy" act. i thought this could cheer me up. instead, i did some more crying. yes, in the store. wow, it was bad. but i did manage to find one thing i approved of. well two. a cute little outfit and some little flip-flops.
did i mention August is a girl month?
ok, i'm done.
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