not done.

Actually no, i'm not done.

i'll never be done. because this is ME. some people can't handle me and that's okay. go live your own life and don't blog stalk me. (you know who you are . you quit "following" my blogs and you blocked me from yours, so why on Earth are you still silently reading mine?)

i am not ashamed of what i wrote and anyone who knows me knows i will love my new son unconditionally. i love jax more than anything in this world. i really shouldn't have to be saying this. don't ever tell a mom she doesn't love her kids! unless you wanna get beat up!

i wrote what i felt, which was real. people who think i am evil for writing things that are negative need to look in the mirror because you can't say you've never had the thoughts that i choose to voice out loud?  if so, you're in denial. its perfectly normal to feel disappointment, regret, and all those other negative emotions, just as it is to feel the happy ones. unfortunately, the blogging world is all about sugar coating your life so people will think you are a perfect person. well i don't need anyone to think i'm perfect, i'd rather be thought of as real.

i am so blessed to have so many friends that have my back. but you know of course , it takes one negative comment to break me down. and it did. i wish i could say it didn't, because this person does not deserve that satisfaction. i have never been so upset with someone my age since probably middle school. she must be glad she succeeded , right? people who are surprised by my meanness and tell me things like "i'll lose all my friends" and i "disappoint them", have apparently never pissed me off. i'm not one to piss off, ESPECIALLY when i'm pregnant.

in other news, i have some very sweet people in my life to thank. i have a friend who has lent me some maternity clothes . i didn't even ask her. she even let me borrow her vicki's bra. its soooo soft and i just love it. she is such a great friend! you know who you are :) and another friend, who always tries to understand me and now that i'm having a boy, she can totally relate with how i feel. she's helping me get really exciting about having a second boy. she helped me choose a cute theme and colors and she is going to make the baby EVERYTHING. (she's very talented that way!) I'm so excited to get working on all of it and to share it with you! i'm also thankful for my mom. i called her and cried and cried and she didn't once judge me or tell me i'm horrible for feeling the way i felt. i guess she knows me the best. she knows i love my jax more than anything, and that i'll love this baby the same way. she really helped me feel better by just being there to listen to me cry about it. (which is sometimes all you need) I also have a whole buttload of facebook  and blogger friends who have told me things to help me feel better. its so nice to feel that support and know i am cared about by many. I am blessed. so blessed. I just don't do well with the select few who want to tear me down. my strong suit in life is definitely not keeping my mouth shut when someone attacks me.

anyway. i'm not done blogging. its what i do, and i love all the sweet feedback and advice i get from all you REAL moms & even those who aren't moms yet. i have a lot of thank you notes i should write :)