I had such high hopes about breastfeeding. At first, everything was going great with it. Mason caught on quick, figured out how to latch on. i had sore nipples and it took 5 days for my milk to come in, but those seemed to be the only problems. and they were problems that would go away soon.
At about 10 days old, we thought maybe Mason had colic. he seemed to be eating fine (as far as i could tell), but something wasn't right. he'd just scream and scream. we found out finally that it was because he was still hungry! he had been feeding 10 minutes on one side every 3 hours for a few days, and seemed to be happy and getting what he needed, he had wet and poopy diapers, so i thought everything was fine. so, an hour after i fed him, i figured he wasn't screaming because he was still hungry. i thought it was something else. come to find out, he was hungry. He is a very lazy eater. What happens is he'll just fall asleep after a few minutes of eating. when he'd do that, i'd burp him and try to get him to eat more. sometimes undressing him, or tickling him to wake him up, but he wouldn't show that he wanted more...until 1/2hr-1hr later. SOOOOO frustrating. he wasn't sleeping either. it was all because (maybe- we're crossing our fingers that all the crying isn't colic-w'ere hoping it was just hunger) he was hungry!
As far as me, One side is still very sore, and now inverted because he only latches on to some of it. its VERY painful and i can't get him to do change the way he does it. the other side doesn't produce as much, or as quick, so he gets impatient and falls asleep. he won't try. he'd rather just sip every now and then. its pretty annoying! i can't do that. we tried a bottle, and he drank it faster (still kind of falling asleep, but its easier to wake him up when he's drinking a bottle) AND he was satisfied, AND slept for 3-4 hrs at a time! yay! AND quit the screaming.
I COULD spend another month trying to tackle this B**** called breastfeeding, but i don't really want to , to be honest. Jaxon is up early and requires full attention all day. Andrew will be working and going to school full time. i don't have the energy to spend hours breastfeeding. little boys are so stinky! they don't want to work for everything. jaxon was the same way, even lazier. he also couldn't figure out how to latch or swallow breastmilk. he just wanted to sleep, and he'd let it run out of the side of is mouth. ugh! He still hates eating!
I am kind of feeling guilty about it, like i should try harder, but right now i just want what's easy. i can't handle a 3year old and a husband that is gone all the time on top of a ornery lazy eating newborn. how do women do this? i swear, it just comes so natural for some.
what i do love about bottle feeding is-- to me is seems easier. and this is why. no guessing on how much baby is getting, you see what they get and you can keep track and know what to expect everytime. The dad or anyone else can help out with feedings while the mom sleeps or leaves or whatever. no leaky boobs, sore boobs, nursing pads, UGH! and that's probably all. luckily, we should get formula for free again through wic. i'm so thankful for that! i am going to pump for a little while longer, so he's getting the breastmilk and i'm burning calories. but really all i want is a happy, FULL baby!
i just had to write this so i could get my thoughts out and when i look back, know for sure why i did what i did.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Mason's birth story
I am writing this on very little sleep but i wanted to write it asap before i forget any little details.. This birth went waaaaaaay better than Jax's.
okay
July 31st, Sunday night
-------------------------
my mom comes to stay. i am up all night with a horrible toothache. i am thinking that i am not ready for this. the pregnancy has gone by way too fast! i can't believe its already time!
6:15 August 1st, monday morning
--------------------------
we get up. i haven't slept all night (or for the past 3 nights) because of a horrible toothache. i can't eat anything either because of surgery. sooo i'm pretty sick and tired. i was lucky enough to make it for awhile without throwing up. we get to the hospital, and they starting "prepping" me for the c-section. i do lots of paperwork, answer lots of questions, put a pretty gown on, and wait. and wait. my nurses were fabulous though, and very sensitive to my nausea problem. they have to prick me 3 times because they couldn't find a vein for the IV. meanwhile i'm very nauseous. i start throwing up and have a hard time stopping. it was horrible. once they found a vein, they started pumping vitamins into me and i instantly felt WAY better. i wait and wait some more. apparently i'm the 2nd c-section of the day which i'm not too happy about, i wanted to be the first because i get sooo sick when i don't eat. andrew is there with me, my mom and jax are at home sleeping.
8:20 ish am
-------------
FINALLY its time for them to wheel me down to the OR. I am soooo nervous this time. it was all the waiting and anticipation. They start prepping me more for the surgery. They wouldn't let Andrew in with me then for some reason, and i didn't like it. They give me the epidural, which freaks me out pretty bad. last time, i don't even remember feeling it. then i start to go numb, and the feeling of being out of control really made me anxious at first. i felt nauseous again, but was too numb to throw up. then, i couldn't feel anything, and it felt a bit better. They put the sheet up under my boobs so i couldn't see what they were doing (good thing) Dr. Lunt and a couple other surgeons started cutting into me. i couldn't feel a thing! it was great. last time i felt some tugging and pulling but no pain. this time, nothing. it seemed like it took awhile for them to get into me. they said i had a ton of scar tissue from last time. mason pooped in the amniotic sac, so it was green and sprayed all over the dr! oops! of course i didn't get to see any of this. they were worried about a possible infection , but later i found out everything was okay. it took a while for them to get him out, it seemed like. they had to pound on my chest a few times, which was a little painful , to pull him out. finally he was out. I , of course couldn't see anything. I told andrew to keep taking pictures, which was hard for him because he was in awe. they cleaned him up a bit, and did all the other stuff they do after a baby is born, then a few minutes later they showed him to me. at first, i thought he was SO TINY! and his head- its so small! i wondered if anything was wrong with him- his head was so small. they weighed him and he was 7lbs, 1oz. WHAT??? that's SO SMALL! no way! they did more stuff with him, then I heard talk of a "butt dimple". at first, i just thought, oh how cute! but no, this was serious. the dr.'s were concerned about spina bifada! yikes! we went a full day or two before finding out that it was nothing to worry about. andrew was more scared than i was, because he had learned all about spina bifada, even did a report about it in class last semester.
Finally, its time for them to give him to me, to keep! I held him skin to skin and there really is almost no greater feeling than that. with jax, i didn't get him right off like that. he spent some time in the NICU, (because of labor trauma), and i spent some time in another room sleeping i guess. i remember waking up mostly alone in a weird room and not knowing what was going on or where my baby was. i was also severely drugged up. Right away , Mason wanted to eat. uh-oh, its time to breastfeed. i was nervous for this because of my experience with Jax. breastfeeding jax didn't work out, it was a 2 and a half week struggle before i quit. this time, i couldn't believe how easily Mason understood the whole process. the lactation specialist was right there, showed me how to do it, and mason latched right on and drank! wow! we spent some time doing that together, alone. i didn't want anyone interruptions, i wanted to do this right. i made jax and my mom stay out for a few minutes while Mason and i did some skin to skin breastfeeding and bonding. it was wonderful. Andrew was right there with me the whole time.
then jax and my mom came in. Jax was at first curious, then scared. he saw some blood on mason's head and pointed that out first. he was concerned about me and mason. it must have appeared strange to him to see us laying in a bed in a weird room, almost naked looking, and me hooked up to a big IV. Jax calmed down , then was mesmerized by Mason. he touched him and smiled, and just looked like a big proud brother. it was such a sweet moment.
they wheeled me up to the room i'd be staying in for a few days. meanwhile, mason wanted to eat again. so, we did the breastfeeding again and succeeded! man, this baby was so easy to love! i didn't ever want to let him go. Andrew and i took turns snuggling him that day. jax quickly found interest in other things and got pretty hyper and restless in our tiny hospital room. my mom and andrew took turns taking him places. i wanted to hold and love my jax too. i didn't want him to feel less important or left out. luckily, he wasn't and hasn't shown many signs of that, YET.
the whole time, my nurses were GREAT. they were so thoughtful and helpful and prompt. last time, i wasn't so lucky with my nurses. i was sure to write the good things about them and turn it in when i left. i had a catheter for a day and a night, i think. then the next day, they took it out and i had to do the bathroom thing on my own. yikes! i remember the pain from last time and was NOT excited. Strangely, the pain was not bad. it was nothing like last time. they were very surprised at how well i was healing and able to get up. that night (the 1st night), they made me walk out in the hall. it was hard and i took it slow. still, the pain wasn't what it was last time. by day 2, i was up and walking pretty well and on my own (not holding onto andrew). and i was going to the bathroom on my own too! i had to wear some sexy underwear and 2 huge pads which felt like a diaper for awhile because i was bleeding , which is normal.
Jax brought me some pretty flowers that he chose out by himself. and my dad called in an order for flowers from a local florist. i didn't have any visitors, except Claudia & Daryl the 2nd day. I was okay with no visitors, i told my friends to NOT come visit me because i'd be so fat looking. BUT this time i didn't swell up really at all. maybe a little. not like last time. last time i gained probably 15lbs of water after jax! it was sooooo bad, and it last a couple weeks! this time was SO much better all around.
On the 2nd day, Mason and I started struggling with breastfeeding. he wasn't getting enough i don't think because my milk hadn't come in yet. he would suck and suck but lose interest! i don't blame him, poor guy! so we started supplementing with good start formula out of syringe WHILE he breastfed. my ultimate goal this time was breastfeeding. i wanted to get it down so bad! the nurses brought in an electric pump to stimulate me to try to get milk to come out for mason. nope, nothing. my milk finally came in the 5th day after birth. my nipples were getting pretty sore, which sucked sooo bad. when i got home, the one nipple got even worse, so bad that i couldn't breastfeed on that side, i had to pump. it was cracked and scabbed up. it hurt soooo freaking bad.
the hospital food sucked. worse than it sucked last time i think. i didn't have much of an appetite anyway though. i just wanted to drinks. I was able to come home Wednesday morning (the 3rd day), with jax i came home the 3rd afternoon. the nurses were surprised at how well i seemed to be healing and how much i could do on my own. i was proud of myself! this time, i wore something called an "abdominal binder" its like a bulky spanx type thing. it holds my stomach tightly together, and it helps my back feel better. i didn't have that last time. i love it, and still wear it ( a week after ).
My mom has been so much help with Jaxon. She also has been cooking and cleaning and buying us things that we need. its been so nice, and i am so thankful she is here and willing to help me so much.
Mason is a big time grunter. at the hospital he would make this squeaky toy noise when he cried. it made me and andrew crack up. then, he lost his voice. they say its because when he was born he had a little trouble breathing, and adapting. they told us to watch for good circulation that first day. he was fine. his cry was hoarse which sounded sad.
He is such a sweetheart and we all love him so much! Jaxon is very protective of him. he loves to hold him and feed him the bottle. he likes to "pet" his hair and give him kisses. i love these boys so much and am so grateful they have each other!
(i may add more to this later if i remember something important)
okay
July 31st, Sunday night
-------------------------
my mom comes to stay. i am up all night with a horrible toothache. i am thinking that i am not ready for this. the pregnancy has gone by way too fast! i can't believe its already time!
6:15 August 1st, monday morning
--------------------------
we get up. i haven't slept all night (or for the past 3 nights) because of a horrible toothache. i can't eat anything either because of surgery. sooo i'm pretty sick and tired. i was lucky enough to make it for awhile without throwing up. we get to the hospital, and they starting "prepping" me for the c-section. i do lots of paperwork, answer lots of questions, put a pretty gown on, and wait. and wait. my nurses were fabulous though, and very sensitive to my nausea problem. they have to prick me 3 times because they couldn't find a vein for the IV. meanwhile i'm very nauseous. i start throwing up and have a hard time stopping. it was horrible. once they found a vein, they started pumping vitamins into me and i instantly felt WAY better. i wait and wait some more. apparently i'm the 2nd c-section of the day which i'm not too happy about, i wanted to be the first because i get sooo sick when i don't eat. andrew is there with me, my mom and jax are at home sleeping.
8:20 ish am
-------------
FINALLY its time for them to wheel me down to the OR. I am soooo nervous this time. it was all the waiting and anticipation. They start prepping me more for the surgery. They wouldn't let Andrew in with me then for some reason, and i didn't like it. They give me the epidural, which freaks me out pretty bad. last time, i don't even remember feeling it. then i start to go numb, and the feeling of being out of control really made me anxious at first. i felt nauseous again, but was too numb to throw up. then, i couldn't feel anything, and it felt a bit better. They put the sheet up under my boobs so i couldn't see what they were doing (good thing) Dr. Lunt and a couple other surgeons started cutting into me. i couldn't feel a thing! it was great. last time i felt some tugging and pulling but no pain. this time, nothing. it seemed like it took awhile for them to get into me. they said i had a ton of scar tissue from last time. mason pooped in the amniotic sac, so it was green and sprayed all over the dr! oops! of course i didn't get to see any of this. they were worried about a possible infection , but later i found out everything was okay. it took a while for them to get him out, it seemed like. they had to pound on my chest a few times, which was a little painful , to pull him out. finally he was out. I , of course couldn't see anything. I told andrew to keep taking pictures, which was hard for him because he was in awe. they cleaned him up a bit, and did all the other stuff they do after a baby is born, then a few minutes later they showed him to me. at first, i thought he was SO TINY! and his head- its so small! i wondered if anything was wrong with him- his head was so small. they weighed him and he was 7lbs, 1oz. WHAT??? that's SO SMALL! no way! they did more stuff with him, then I heard talk of a "butt dimple". at first, i just thought, oh how cute! but no, this was serious. the dr.'s were concerned about spina bifada! yikes! we went a full day or two before finding out that it was nothing to worry about. andrew was more scared than i was, because he had learned all about spina bifada, even did a report about it in class last semester.
Finally, its time for them to give him to me, to keep! I held him skin to skin and there really is almost no greater feeling than that. with jax, i didn't get him right off like that. he spent some time in the NICU, (because of labor trauma), and i spent some time in another room sleeping i guess. i remember waking up mostly alone in a weird room and not knowing what was going on or where my baby was. i was also severely drugged up. Right away , Mason wanted to eat. uh-oh, its time to breastfeed. i was nervous for this because of my experience with Jax. breastfeeding jax didn't work out, it was a 2 and a half week struggle before i quit. this time, i couldn't believe how easily Mason understood the whole process. the lactation specialist was right there, showed me how to do it, and mason latched right on and drank! wow! we spent some time doing that together, alone. i didn't want anyone interruptions, i wanted to do this right. i made jax and my mom stay out for a few minutes while Mason and i did some skin to skin breastfeeding and bonding. it was wonderful. Andrew was right there with me the whole time.
then jax and my mom came in. Jax was at first curious, then scared. he saw some blood on mason's head and pointed that out first. he was concerned about me and mason. it must have appeared strange to him to see us laying in a bed in a weird room, almost naked looking, and me hooked up to a big IV. Jax calmed down , then was mesmerized by Mason. he touched him and smiled, and just looked like a big proud brother. it was such a sweet moment.
they wheeled me up to the room i'd be staying in for a few days. meanwhile, mason wanted to eat again. so, we did the breastfeeding again and succeeded! man, this baby was so easy to love! i didn't ever want to let him go. Andrew and i took turns snuggling him that day. jax quickly found interest in other things and got pretty hyper and restless in our tiny hospital room. my mom and andrew took turns taking him places. i wanted to hold and love my jax too. i didn't want him to feel less important or left out. luckily, he wasn't and hasn't shown many signs of that, YET.
the whole time, my nurses were GREAT. they were so thoughtful and helpful and prompt. last time, i wasn't so lucky with my nurses. i was sure to write the good things about them and turn it in when i left. i had a catheter for a day and a night, i think. then the next day, they took it out and i had to do the bathroom thing on my own. yikes! i remember the pain from last time and was NOT excited. Strangely, the pain was not bad. it was nothing like last time. they were very surprised at how well i was healing and able to get up. that night (the 1st night), they made me walk out in the hall. it was hard and i took it slow. still, the pain wasn't what it was last time. by day 2, i was up and walking pretty well and on my own (not holding onto andrew). and i was going to the bathroom on my own too! i had to wear some sexy underwear and 2 huge pads which felt like a diaper for awhile because i was bleeding , which is normal.
Jax brought me some pretty flowers that he chose out by himself. and my dad called in an order for flowers from a local florist. i didn't have any visitors, except Claudia & Daryl the 2nd day. I was okay with no visitors, i told my friends to NOT come visit me because i'd be so fat looking. BUT this time i didn't swell up really at all. maybe a little. not like last time. last time i gained probably 15lbs of water after jax! it was sooooo bad, and it last a couple weeks! this time was SO much better all around.
On the 2nd day, Mason and I started struggling with breastfeeding. he wasn't getting enough i don't think because my milk hadn't come in yet. he would suck and suck but lose interest! i don't blame him, poor guy! so we started supplementing with good start formula out of syringe WHILE he breastfed. my ultimate goal this time was breastfeeding. i wanted to get it down so bad! the nurses brought in an electric pump to stimulate me to try to get milk to come out for mason. nope, nothing. my milk finally came in the 5th day after birth. my nipples were getting pretty sore, which sucked sooo bad. when i got home, the one nipple got even worse, so bad that i couldn't breastfeed on that side, i had to pump. it was cracked and scabbed up. it hurt soooo freaking bad.
the hospital food sucked. worse than it sucked last time i think. i didn't have much of an appetite anyway though. i just wanted to drinks. I was able to come home Wednesday morning (the 3rd day), with jax i came home the 3rd afternoon. the nurses were surprised at how well i seemed to be healing and how much i could do on my own. i was proud of myself! this time, i wore something called an "abdominal binder" its like a bulky spanx type thing. it holds my stomach tightly together, and it helps my back feel better. i didn't have that last time. i love it, and still wear it ( a week after ).
My mom has been so much help with Jaxon. She also has been cooking and cleaning and buying us things that we need. its been so nice, and i am so thankful she is here and willing to help me so much.
Mason is a big time grunter. at the hospital he would make this squeaky toy noise when he cried. it made me and andrew crack up. then, he lost his voice. they say its because when he was born he had a little trouble breathing, and adapting. they told us to watch for good circulation that first day. he was fine. his cry was hoarse which sounded sad.
He is such a sweetheart and we all love him so much! Jaxon is very protective of him. he loves to hold him and feed him the bottle. he likes to "pet" his hair and give him kisses. i love these boys so much and am so grateful they have each other!
(i may add more to this later if i remember something important)
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