Breastfeeding

I had such high hopes about breastfeeding. At first, everything was going great with it. Mason caught on quick, figured out how to latch on. i had sore nipples and it took 5 days for my milk to come in, but those seemed to be the only problems. and they were problems that would go away soon.

At about 10 days old, we thought maybe Mason had colic. he seemed to be eating fine (as far as i could tell), but something wasn't right. he'd just scream and scream. we found out finally that it was because he was still hungry! he had been feeding 10 minutes on one side every 3 hours for a few days, and seemed to be happy and getting what he needed, he had wet and poopy diapers, so i thought everything was fine. so, an hour after i fed him, i figured he wasn't screaming because he was still hungry. i thought it was something else. come to find out, he was hungry. He is a very lazy eater. What happens is he'll just fall asleep after a few minutes of eating. when he'd do that, i'd burp him and try to get him to eat more. sometimes undressing him, or tickling him to wake him up, but he wouldn't show that he wanted more...until 1/2hr-1hr later. SOOOOO frustrating. he wasn't sleeping either. it was all because (maybe- we're crossing our fingers that all the crying isn't colic-w'ere hoping it was just hunger) he was hungry!

As far as me, One side is still very sore, and now inverted because he only latches on to some of it. its VERY painful and i can't get him to do change the way he does it. the other side doesn't produce as much, or as quick, so he gets impatient and falls asleep. he won't try. he'd rather just sip every now and then. its pretty annoying! i can't do that. we tried a bottle, and he drank it faster (still kind of falling asleep, but its easier to wake him up when he's drinking a bottle) AND he was satisfied, AND slept for 3-4 hrs at a time! yay! AND quit the screaming.

I COULD spend another month trying to tackle this B**** called breastfeeding, but i don't really want to , to be honest. Jaxon is up early and requires full attention all day. Andrew will be working and going to school full time. i don't have the energy to spend hours breastfeeding. little boys are so stinky! they don't want to work for everything. jaxon was the same way, even lazier. he also couldn't figure out how to latch or swallow breastmilk. he just wanted to sleep, and he'd let it run out of the side of is mouth. ugh! He still hates eating!

I am kind of feeling guilty about it, like i should try harder, but right now i just want what's easy. i can't handle a 3year old and a husband that is gone all the time on top of a ornery lazy eating newborn. how do women do this? i swear, it just comes so natural for some.

what i do love about bottle feeding is-- to me is seems easier. and this is why. no guessing on how much baby is getting, you see what they get and you can keep track and know what to expect everytime. The dad or anyone else can help out with feedings while the mom sleeps or leaves or whatever. no leaky boobs, sore boobs, nursing pads, UGH!  and that's probably all. luckily, we should get formula for free again through wic. i'm so thankful for that! i am going to pump for a little while longer, so he's getting the breastmilk and i'm burning calories.  but really all i want is a happy, FULL baby!

i just had to write this so i could get my thoughts out and when i look back, know for sure why i did what i did.