I had such high hopes about breastfeeding. At first, everything was going great with it. Mason caught on quick, figured out how to latch on. i had sore nipples and it took 5 days for my milk to come in, but those seemed to be the only problems. and they were problems that would go away soon.
At about 10 days old, we thought maybe Mason had colic. he seemed to be eating fine (as far as i could tell), but something wasn't right. he'd just scream and scream. we found out finally that it was because he was still hungry! he had been feeding 10 minutes on one side every 3 hours for a few days, and seemed to be happy and getting what he needed, he had wet and poopy diapers, so i thought everything was fine. so, an hour after i fed him, i figured he wasn't screaming because he was still hungry. i thought it was something else. come to find out, he was hungry. He is a very lazy eater. What happens is he'll just fall asleep after a few minutes of eating. when he'd do that, i'd burp him and try to get him to eat more. sometimes undressing him, or tickling him to wake him up, but he wouldn't show that he wanted more...until 1/2hr-1hr later. SOOOOO frustrating. he wasn't sleeping either. it was all because (maybe- we're crossing our fingers that all the crying isn't colic-w'ere hoping it was just hunger) he was hungry!
As far as me, One side is still very sore, and now inverted because he only latches on to some of it. its VERY painful and i can't get him to do change the way he does it. the other side doesn't produce as much, or as quick, so he gets impatient and falls asleep. he won't try. he'd rather just sip every now and then. its pretty annoying! i can't do that. we tried a bottle, and he drank it faster (still kind of falling asleep, but its easier to wake him up when he's drinking a bottle) AND he was satisfied, AND slept for 3-4 hrs at a time! yay! AND quit the screaming.
I COULD spend another month trying to tackle this B**** called breastfeeding, but i don't really want to , to be honest. Jaxon is up early and requires full attention all day. Andrew will be working and going to school full time. i don't have the energy to spend hours breastfeeding. little boys are so stinky! they don't want to work for everything. jaxon was the same way, even lazier. he also couldn't figure out how to latch or swallow breastmilk. he just wanted to sleep, and he'd let it run out of the side of is mouth. ugh! He still hates eating!
I am kind of feeling guilty about it, like i should try harder, but right now i just want what's easy. i can't handle a 3year old and a husband that is gone all the time on top of a ornery lazy eating newborn. how do women do this? i swear, it just comes so natural for some.
what i do love about bottle feeding is-- to me is seems easier. and this is why. no guessing on how much baby is getting, you see what they get and you can keep track and know what to expect everytime. The dad or anyone else can help out with feedings while the mom sleeps or leaves or whatever. no leaky boobs, sore boobs, nursing pads, UGH! and that's probably all. luckily, we should get formula for free again through wic. i'm so thankful for that! i am going to pump for a little while longer, so he's getting the breastmilk and i'm burning calories. but really all i want is a happy, FULL baby!
i just had to write this so i could get my thoughts out and when i look back, know for sure why i did what i did.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Mason's birth story
I am writing this on very little sleep but i wanted to write it asap before i forget any little details.. This birth went waaaaaaay better than Jax's.
okay
July 31st, Sunday night
-------------------------
my mom comes to stay. i am up all night with a horrible toothache. i am thinking that i am not ready for this. the pregnancy has gone by way too fast! i can't believe its already time!
6:15 August 1st, monday morning
--------------------------
we get up. i haven't slept all night (or for the past 3 nights) because of a horrible toothache. i can't eat anything either because of surgery. sooo i'm pretty sick and tired. i was lucky enough to make it for awhile without throwing up. we get to the hospital, and they starting "prepping" me for the c-section. i do lots of paperwork, answer lots of questions, put a pretty gown on, and wait. and wait. my nurses were fabulous though, and very sensitive to my nausea problem. they have to prick me 3 times because they couldn't find a vein for the IV. meanwhile i'm very nauseous. i start throwing up and have a hard time stopping. it was horrible. once they found a vein, they started pumping vitamins into me and i instantly felt WAY better. i wait and wait some more. apparently i'm the 2nd c-section of the day which i'm not too happy about, i wanted to be the first because i get sooo sick when i don't eat. andrew is there with me, my mom and jax are at home sleeping.
8:20 ish am
-------------
FINALLY its time for them to wheel me down to the OR. I am soooo nervous this time. it was all the waiting and anticipation. They start prepping me more for the surgery. They wouldn't let Andrew in with me then for some reason, and i didn't like it. They give me the epidural, which freaks me out pretty bad. last time, i don't even remember feeling it. then i start to go numb, and the feeling of being out of control really made me anxious at first. i felt nauseous again, but was too numb to throw up. then, i couldn't feel anything, and it felt a bit better. They put the sheet up under my boobs so i couldn't see what they were doing (good thing) Dr. Lunt and a couple other surgeons started cutting into me. i couldn't feel a thing! it was great. last time i felt some tugging and pulling but no pain. this time, nothing. it seemed like it took awhile for them to get into me. they said i had a ton of scar tissue from last time. mason pooped in the amniotic sac, so it was green and sprayed all over the dr! oops! of course i didn't get to see any of this. they were worried about a possible infection , but later i found out everything was okay. it took a while for them to get him out, it seemed like. they had to pound on my chest a few times, which was a little painful , to pull him out. finally he was out. I , of course couldn't see anything. I told andrew to keep taking pictures, which was hard for him because he was in awe. they cleaned him up a bit, and did all the other stuff they do after a baby is born, then a few minutes later they showed him to me. at first, i thought he was SO TINY! and his head- its so small! i wondered if anything was wrong with him- his head was so small. they weighed him and he was 7lbs, 1oz. WHAT??? that's SO SMALL! no way! they did more stuff with him, then I heard talk of a "butt dimple". at first, i just thought, oh how cute! but no, this was serious. the dr.'s were concerned about spina bifada! yikes! we went a full day or two before finding out that it was nothing to worry about. andrew was more scared than i was, because he had learned all about spina bifada, even did a report about it in class last semester.
Finally, its time for them to give him to me, to keep! I held him skin to skin and there really is almost no greater feeling than that. with jax, i didn't get him right off like that. he spent some time in the NICU, (because of labor trauma), and i spent some time in another room sleeping i guess. i remember waking up mostly alone in a weird room and not knowing what was going on or where my baby was. i was also severely drugged up. Right away , Mason wanted to eat. uh-oh, its time to breastfeed. i was nervous for this because of my experience with Jax. breastfeeding jax didn't work out, it was a 2 and a half week struggle before i quit. this time, i couldn't believe how easily Mason understood the whole process. the lactation specialist was right there, showed me how to do it, and mason latched right on and drank! wow! we spent some time doing that together, alone. i didn't want anyone interruptions, i wanted to do this right. i made jax and my mom stay out for a few minutes while Mason and i did some skin to skin breastfeeding and bonding. it was wonderful. Andrew was right there with me the whole time.
then jax and my mom came in. Jax was at first curious, then scared. he saw some blood on mason's head and pointed that out first. he was concerned about me and mason. it must have appeared strange to him to see us laying in a bed in a weird room, almost naked looking, and me hooked up to a big IV. Jax calmed down , then was mesmerized by Mason. he touched him and smiled, and just looked like a big proud brother. it was such a sweet moment.
they wheeled me up to the room i'd be staying in for a few days. meanwhile, mason wanted to eat again. so, we did the breastfeeding again and succeeded! man, this baby was so easy to love! i didn't ever want to let him go. Andrew and i took turns snuggling him that day. jax quickly found interest in other things and got pretty hyper and restless in our tiny hospital room. my mom and andrew took turns taking him places. i wanted to hold and love my jax too. i didn't want him to feel less important or left out. luckily, he wasn't and hasn't shown many signs of that, YET.
the whole time, my nurses were GREAT. they were so thoughtful and helpful and prompt. last time, i wasn't so lucky with my nurses. i was sure to write the good things about them and turn it in when i left. i had a catheter for a day and a night, i think. then the next day, they took it out and i had to do the bathroom thing on my own. yikes! i remember the pain from last time and was NOT excited. Strangely, the pain was not bad. it was nothing like last time. they were very surprised at how well i was healing and able to get up. that night (the 1st night), they made me walk out in the hall. it was hard and i took it slow. still, the pain wasn't what it was last time. by day 2, i was up and walking pretty well and on my own (not holding onto andrew). and i was going to the bathroom on my own too! i had to wear some sexy underwear and 2 huge pads which felt like a diaper for awhile because i was bleeding , which is normal.
Jax brought me some pretty flowers that he chose out by himself. and my dad called in an order for flowers from a local florist. i didn't have any visitors, except Claudia & Daryl the 2nd day. I was okay with no visitors, i told my friends to NOT come visit me because i'd be so fat looking. BUT this time i didn't swell up really at all. maybe a little. not like last time. last time i gained probably 15lbs of water after jax! it was sooooo bad, and it last a couple weeks! this time was SO much better all around.
On the 2nd day, Mason and I started struggling with breastfeeding. he wasn't getting enough i don't think because my milk hadn't come in yet. he would suck and suck but lose interest! i don't blame him, poor guy! so we started supplementing with good start formula out of syringe WHILE he breastfed. my ultimate goal this time was breastfeeding. i wanted to get it down so bad! the nurses brought in an electric pump to stimulate me to try to get milk to come out for mason. nope, nothing. my milk finally came in the 5th day after birth. my nipples were getting pretty sore, which sucked sooo bad. when i got home, the one nipple got even worse, so bad that i couldn't breastfeed on that side, i had to pump. it was cracked and scabbed up. it hurt soooo freaking bad.
the hospital food sucked. worse than it sucked last time i think. i didn't have much of an appetite anyway though. i just wanted to drinks. I was able to come home Wednesday morning (the 3rd day), with jax i came home the 3rd afternoon. the nurses were surprised at how well i seemed to be healing and how much i could do on my own. i was proud of myself! this time, i wore something called an "abdominal binder" its like a bulky spanx type thing. it holds my stomach tightly together, and it helps my back feel better. i didn't have that last time. i love it, and still wear it ( a week after ).
My mom has been so much help with Jaxon. She also has been cooking and cleaning and buying us things that we need. its been so nice, and i am so thankful she is here and willing to help me so much.
Mason is a big time grunter. at the hospital he would make this squeaky toy noise when he cried. it made me and andrew crack up. then, he lost his voice. they say its because when he was born he had a little trouble breathing, and adapting. they told us to watch for good circulation that first day. he was fine. his cry was hoarse which sounded sad.
He is such a sweetheart and we all love him so much! Jaxon is very protective of him. he loves to hold him and feed him the bottle. he likes to "pet" his hair and give him kisses. i love these boys so much and am so grateful they have each other!
(i may add more to this later if i remember something important)
okay
July 31st, Sunday night
-------------------------
my mom comes to stay. i am up all night with a horrible toothache. i am thinking that i am not ready for this. the pregnancy has gone by way too fast! i can't believe its already time!
6:15 August 1st, monday morning
--------------------------
we get up. i haven't slept all night (or for the past 3 nights) because of a horrible toothache. i can't eat anything either because of surgery. sooo i'm pretty sick and tired. i was lucky enough to make it for awhile without throwing up. we get to the hospital, and they starting "prepping" me for the c-section. i do lots of paperwork, answer lots of questions, put a pretty gown on, and wait. and wait. my nurses were fabulous though, and very sensitive to my nausea problem. they have to prick me 3 times because they couldn't find a vein for the IV. meanwhile i'm very nauseous. i start throwing up and have a hard time stopping. it was horrible. once they found a vein, they started pumping vitamins into me and i instantly felt WAY better. i wait and wait some more. apparently i'm the 2nd c-section of the day which i'm not too happy about, i wanted to be the first because i get sooo sick when i don't eat. andrew is there with me, my mom and jax are at home sleeping.
8:20 ish am
-------------
FINALLY its time for them to wheel me down to the OR. I am soooo nervous this time. it was all the waiting and anticipation. They start prepping me more for the surgery. They wouldn't let Andrew in with me then for some reason, and i didn't like it. They give me the epidural, which freaks me out pretty bad. last time, i don't even remember feeling it. then i start to go numb, and the feeling of being out of control really made me anxious at first. i felt nauseous again, but was too numb to throw up. then, i couldn't feel anything, and it felt a bit better. They put the sheet up under my boobs so i couldn't see what they were doing (good thing) Dr. Lunt and a couple other surgeons started cutting into me. i couldn't feel a thing! it was great. last time i felt some tugging and pulling but no pain. this time, nothing. it seemed like it took awhile for them to get into me. they said i had a ton of scar tissue from last time. mason pooped in the amniotic sac, so it was green and sprayed all over the dr! oops! of course i didn't get to see any of this. they were worried about a possible infection , but later i found out everything was okay. it took a while for them to get him out, it seemed like. they had to pound on my chest a few times, which was a little painful , to pull him out. finally he was out. I , of course couldn't see anything. I told andrew to keep taking pictures, which was hard for him because he was in awe. they cleaned him up a bit, and did all the other stuff they do after a baby is born, then a few minutes later they showed him to me. at first, i thought he was SO TINY! and his head- its so small! i wondered if anything was wrong with him- his head was so small. they weighed him and he was 7lbs, 1oz. WHAT??? that's SO SMALL! no way! they did more stuff with him, then I heard talk of a "butt dimple". at first, i just thought, oh how cute! but no, this was serious. the dr.'s were concerned about spina bifada! yikes! we went a full day or two before finding out that it was nothing to worry about. andrew was more scared than i was, because he had learned all about spina bifada, even did a report about it in class last semester.
Finally, its time for them to give him to me, to keep! I held him skin to skin and there really is almost no greater feeling than that. with jax, i didn't get him right off like that. he spent some time in the NICU, (because of labor trauma), and i spent some time in another room sleeping i guess. i remember waking up mostly alone in a weird room and not knowing what was going on or where my baby was. i was also severely drugged up. Right away , Mason wanted to eat. uh-oh, its time to breastfeed. i was nervous for this because of my experience with Jax. breastfeeding jax didn't work out, it was a 2 and a half week struggle before i quit. this time, i couldn't believe how easily Mason understood the whole process. the lactation specialist was right there, showed me how to do it, and mason latched right on and drank! wow! we spent some time doing that together, alone. i didn't want anyone interruptions, i wanted to do this right. i made jax and my mom stay out for a few minutes while Mason and i did some skin to skin breastfeeding and bonding. it was wonderful. Andrew was right there with me the whole time.
then jax and my mom came in. Jax was at first curious, then scared. he saw some blood on mason's head and pointed that out first. he was concerned about me and mason. it must have appeared strange to him to see us laying in a bed in a weird room, almost naked looking, and me hooked up to a big IV. Jax calmed down , then was mesmerized by Mason. he touched him and smiled, and just looked like a big proud brother. it was such a sweet moment.
they wheeled me up to the room i'd be staying in for a few days. meanwhile, mason wanted to eat again. so, we did the breastfeeding again and succeeded! man, this baby was so easy to love! i didn't ever want to let him go. Andrew and i took turns snuggling him that day. jax quickly found interest in other things and got pretty hyper and restless in our tiny hospital room. my mom and andrew took turns taking him places. i wanted to hold and love my jax too. i didn't want him to feel less important or left out. luckily, he wasn't and hasn't shown many signs of that, YET.
the whole time, my nurses were GREAT. they were so thoughtful and helpful and prompt. last time, i wasn't so lucky with my nurses. i was sure to write the good things about them and turn it in when i left. i had a catheter for a day and a night, i think. then the next day, they took it out and i had to do the bathroom thing on my own. yikes! i remember the pain from last time and was NOT excited. Strangely, the pain was not bad. it was nothing like last time. they were very surprised at how well i was healing and able to get up. that night (the 1st night), they made me walk out in the hall. it was hard and i took it slow. still, the pain wasn't what it was last time. by day 2, i was up and walking pretty well and on my own (not holding onto andrew). and i was going to the bathroom on my own too! i had to wear some sexy underwear and 2 huge pads which felt like a diaper for awhile because i was bleeding , which is normal.
Jax brought me some pretty flowers that he chose out by himself. and my dad called in an order for flowers from a local florist. i didn't have any visitors, except Claudia & Daryl the 2nd day. I was okay with no visitors, i told my friends to NOT come visit me because i'd be so fat looking. BUT this time i didn't swell up really at all. maybe a little. not like last time. last time i gained probably 15lbs of water after jax! it was sooooo bad, and it last a couple weeks! this time was SO much better all around.
On the 2nd day, Mason and I started struggling with breastfeeding. he wasn't getting enough i don't think because my milk hadn't come in yet. he would suck and suck but lose interest! i don't blame him, poor guy! so we started supplementing with good start formula out of syringe WHILE he breastfed. my ultimate goal this time was breastfeeding. i wanted to get it down so bad! the nurses brought in an electric pump to stimulate me to try to get milk to come out for mason. nope, nothing. my milk finally came in the 5th day after birth. my nipples were getting pretty sore, which sucked sooo bad. when i got home, the one nipple got even worse, so bad that i couldn't breastfeed on that side, i had to pump. it was cracked and scabbed up. it hurt soooo freaking bad.
the hospital food sucked. worse than it sucked last time i think. i didn't have much of an appetite anyway though. i just wanted to drinks. I was able to come home Wednesday morning (the 3rd day), with jax i came home the 3rd afternoon. the nurses were surprised at how well i seemed to be healing and how much i could do on my own. i was proud of myself! this time, i wore something called an "abdominal binder" its like a bulky spanx type thing. it holds my stomach tightly together, and it helps my back feel better. i didn't have that last time. i love it, and still wear it ( a week after ).
My mom has been so much help with Jaxon. She also has been cooking and cleaning and buying us things that we need. its been so nice, and i am so thankful she is here and willing to help me so much.
Mason is a big time grunter. at the hospital he would make this squeaky toy noise when he cried. it made me and andrew crack up. then, he lost his voice. they say its because when he was born he had a little trouble breathing, and adapting. they told us to watch for good circulation that first day. he was fine. his cry was hoarse which sounded sad.
He is such a sweetheart and we all love him so much! Jaxon is very protective of him. he loves to hold him and feed him the bottle. he likes to "pet" his hair and give him kisses. i love these boys so much and am so grateful they have each other!
(i may add more to this later if i remember something important)
Monday, July 25, 2011
yikes -- 38 weeks
things are starting to hit me now. up until now, the big day has seemed so far away. i am having a baby in less than a week now. uhhhh... yikes? yes, i've waited forever for this! yes, i've endured all of this hot summer i possibly can. but am i ready? are we ready? i feel like i'm not ready. our 6 month inspection is on thursday. my c-section is on monday. today i am 38 weeks, and boy do i feel it. everyone mostly gives me looks and words of pity when they hear about me having to get a c-section. right now, i am grateful about it. i am happy that i won't have to wait til august 8th or later (most likely later) for labor to start on its own. no siree, not in this heat. i knew the heat would be miserable. but now i know miserable is not the right word for it. this heat is like death. seriously. if i go out in it, even just for a second. even to just get in and out of the car, i feel like i might die. or pass out. or throw up. or do all of those things. i will never again do this in the summer....purposely.
i feel so un-useful. i hate this. just THINKING about cleaning the house makes me tired. i am so big and so awkward that doing anything is a challenge. i cannot handle this! i feel so bad because andrew will have to do almost all of the cleaning for the inspection. good thing he has weekdays off. i wish this so called "nesting" thing would kick in for me! ahhhhh.
and then there's the part about the 3 year old i have. i am scared to be alone with him. he fights me. i cannot fight back. i have no energy. i feel like a horrible mom. i just want to sleep, he wants to play. ALLLLLLL DAYYYY. And now i am worried for him. will he think i don't love him anymore when i have this baby IN A WEEK? i want him to know we still love him. he is still my baby too...oh i feel like crying! the hormones! what a mess i am!
i feel so un-useful. i hate this. just THINKING about cleaning the house makes me tired. i am so big and so awkward that doing anything is a challenge. i cannot handle this! i feel so bad because andrew will have to do almost all of the cleaning for the inspection. good thing he has weekdays off. i wish this so called "nesting" thing would kick in for me! ahhhhh.
and then there's the part about the 3 year old i have. i am scared to be alone with him. he fights me. i cannot fight back. i have no energy. i feel like a horrible mom. i just want to sleep, he wants to play. ALLLLLLL DAYYYY. And now i am worried for him. will he think i don't love him anymore when i have this baby IN A WEEK? i want him to know we still love him. he is still my baby too...oh i feel like crying! the hormones! what a mess i am!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
36 weeks
wow, this was probably the crappiest visit ever!
we had to do the strep swab test. its where they stick a large q-tip in places..that aren't meant to have a q-tip in them. and it hurt!
no news. baby hasn't dropped. honestly, i don't know if he can with my small pelvis. jaxon never did. but this baby feels lower than jax...weird. i am not dilated like at all. i am doubting labor will come any sooner than august 1st. well, actually i'm betting i won't even go into labor, they'll do the c-section before any of that starts. which is good , in a way. but i was wanting this to just be over!!!
i asked the doc how big he thinks this baby will be and he said 7 1/2 to 8 lbs. jax was 8lbs 10oz, and the doc said, "i bet you'll have an 8 and a half lb baby" she was right! this one feels smaller, i think. so we'll see!
i can't sleep well at night AT ALL. it takes forever to fall asleep. andrew drives me nuts just being in there and i really wish i felt alright about kicking him out. he snores and takes up a lot of the bed. or, well i guess its me who's needing a lot of the bed now. i get heartburn and have to pee a lot in the night. so i do all my sleeping in the day. i hate how it feels. it feels like i'm missing out on life, but i feel so tired and out of it if i don't take naps! good thing andrew is home during the weekdays, he does fun things with jaxon, and gives me a break. its great! i don't know what i'd do without him!
we had to do the strep swab test. its where they stick a large q-tip in places..that aren't meant to have a q-tip in them. and it hurt!
no news. baby hasn't dropped. honestly, i don't know if he can with my small pelvis. jaxon never did. but this baby feels lower than jax...weird. i am not dilated like at all. i am doubting labor will come any sooner than august 1st. well, actually i'm betting i won't even go into labor, they'll do the c-section before any of that starts. which is good , in a way. but i was wanting this to just be over!!!
i asked the doc how big he thinks this baby will be and he said 7 1/2 to 8 lbs. jax was 8lbs 10oz, and the doc said, "i bet you'll have an 8 and a half lb baby" she was right! this one feels smaller, i think. so we'll see!
i can't sleep well at night AT ALL. it takes forever to fall asleep. andrew drives me nuts just being in there and i really wish i felt alright about kicking him out. he snores and takes up a lot of the bed. or, well i guess its me who's needing a lot of the bed now. i get heartburn and have to pee a lot in the night. so i do all my sleeping in the day. i hate how it feels. it feels like i'm missing out on life, but i feel so tired and out of it if i don't take naps! good thing andrew is home during the weekdays, he does fun things with jaxon, and gives me a break. its great! i don't know what i'd do without him!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Do i really wanna do this?
So, I'm reading up on breastfeeding and......YIKES!
um i guess i forgot how much to it there actually is.
it was such a horrible experience with jaxon, that i swore to myself i wouldn't put myself through that ever again. my c-section scar, and the way jax would kick it. the way the boppy didn't work with my like it was supposed to (i think i was too fat for it). the way jaxon WOULD NOT latch on, even with the help of a couple lactation specialists. the way i had to wear a nipple shield to get him to somewhat breastfeed, and even then it was still a fight. they way that even when he did latch on, he'd fall asleep, OR keep his mouth semi-open letting the milk run out of his mouth, into his ear, and all over my belly. or the boob infection i got because i was SO FULL of milk that wasn't being used. the soaked nursing pads that i'd go through about every hour. or the hours of pumping, then feeding it to him out of a bottle i had to do. and the colic. the never-ending screaming baby that would not be soothed.
years passed.
then i saw this girl on facebook who was really really skinny. i asked her HOW she got that way and she said breastfeeding! then (quite sometime later) i got pregnant and gained about 50 billion lbs. i wondered (and still do) if i'll ever have my body back. will i someday not look like an enormous whale? so, i considered breastfeeding. yeah, i'm selfish like that. instead of thinking of the baby's benefits i think of my own. could i go through all of that again to (maybe, because i'm not like every other girl) lose some of this weight?
i think: maybe this baby will be different? maybe he won't act like he was sent straight from hell to test me. maybe he'll be calm and WANT to TRY to breastfeed? maybe we can bond better? maybe it will turn out to be a good time for the both of us. (like the books say) i like to think it WILL become easier with time. i wont have to pack bottles and formula & find the nearest microwave to feed.
i am scared to death.
the more i read up on it, the more i realize how hellish this will be for awhile. the more i realize that even though this is "natural", it won't come natural to either one of us. there are so many things to focus on and remember. so many "techniques". so much of feeling and acting like a milk machine and less like a human being. feeding sometimes every hour? no! i will have no life! no trips? no dates?
its so hard because jaxon was and is perfectly healthy, and he didn't breastfeed. he is smart, rarely sick and well healthy! not because of breastfeeding!
yikes.
the good thing about bottle feeding is, Andrew helped out as much as i did with it. we took turns a lot of the time. he had his bonding time too. it was GREAT for me! knowing how great that was, how can i do this? its all me here. no help.
i am going to try it. but if things don't go well, i won't beat myself up about it.
tell me, all of you mothers: what are your thoughts and experiences about breastfeeding?
um i guess i forgot how much to it there actually is.
it was such a horrible experience with jaxon, that i swore to myself i wouldn't put myself through that ever again. my c-section scar, and the way jax would kick it. the way the boppy didn't work with my like it was supposed to (i think i was too fat for it). the way jaxon WOULD NOT latch on, even with the help of a couple lactation specialists. the way i had to wear a nipple shield to get him to somewhat breastfeed, and even then it was still a fight. they way that even when he did latch on, he'd fall asleep, OR keep his mouth semi-open letting the milk run out of his mouth, into his ear, and all over my belly. or the boob infection i got because i was SO FULL of milk that wasn't being used. the soaked nursing pads that i'd go through about every hour. or the hours of pumping, then feeding it to him out of a bottle i had to do. and the colic. the never-ending screaming baby that would not be soothed.
years passed.
then i saw this girl on facebook who was really really skinny. i asked her HOW she got that way and she said breastfeeding! then (quite sometime later) i got pregnant and gained about 50 billion lbs. i wondered (and still do) if i'll ever have my body back. will i someday not look like an enormous whale? so, i considered breastfeeding. yeah, i'm selfish like that. instead of thinking of the baby's benefits i think of my own. could i go through all of that again to (maybe, because i'm not like every other girl) lose some of this weight?
i think: maybe this baby will be different? maybe he won't act like he was sent straight from hell to test me. maybe he'll be calm and WANT to TRY to breastfeed? maybe we can bond better? maybe it will turn out to be a good time for the both of us. (like the books say) i like to think it WILL become easier with time. i wont have to pack bottles and formula & find the nearest microwave to feed.
i am scared to death.
the more i read up on it, the more i realize how hellish this will be for awhile. the more i realize that even though this is "natural", it won't come natural to either one of us. there are so many things to focus on and remember. so many "techniques". so much of feeling and acting like a milk machine and less like a human being. feeding sometimes every hour? no! i will have no life! no trips? no dates?
its so hard because jaxon was and is perfectly healthy, and he didn't breastfeed. he is smart, rarely sick and well healthy! not because of breastfeeding!
yikes.
the good thing about bottle feeding is, Andrew helped out as much as i did with it. we took turns a lot of the time. he had his bonding time too. it was GREAT for me! knowing how great that was, how can i do this? its all me here. no help.
i am going to try it. but if things don't go well, i won't beat myself up about it.
tell me, all of you mothers: what are your thoughts and experiences about breastfeeding?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
35 weeks checkup
on the 4th of July, i was exactly 35 weeks! that means 4 weeks to go! wow.
this pregnancy has been different. i'm carrying mason lower than jax. the pelvic pain and pressure wasn't there with jax, but today i heard that was all normal. my belly doesn't "pop" as much with this baby and i think its because i was bigger to start with this time than last time. that baby has a lot of room in my big belly i guess. he is also less active than jaxon was. jaxon was constantly moving by this point, kicking the CRAP out of my ribs and everywhere else. this baby doesn't move as much or as hard, so i told my doc. about it today and they did an ultra sound and a stress test on baby. everything looked fine! my amniotic fluid is 11 and higher than ever! which is surprising, because i don't feel like i've been doing that great of a job drinking water. but i have been trying to drink water, not pop, because i know pop dehydrates you! we got to see mason's cute little face, he looks like jax! it was so crazy, i wanted to cry. i can't wait to meet that man!
i'm also thinking i'm slightly anemic. my mom has it during pregnancy, so i might too. the dr. says my iron is a bit low, which would explain why i am like CRAZY tired lately. more tired than is normal. so i'll start taking iron supplements.
my c-section is planned for august 1st FOR SURE now. i'm really hoping i'll go early! wouldn't that be nice. we're getting mason's room finished up, and its getting SO exciting!
that's the latest and greatest. baby is very healthy!
this pregnancy has been different. i'm carrying mason lower than jax. the pelvic pain and pressure wasn't there with jax, but today i heard that was all normal. my belly doesn't "pop" as much with this baby and i think its because i was bigger to start with this time than last time. that baby has a lot of room in my big belly i guess. he is also less active than jaxon was. jaxon was constantly moving by this point, kicking the CRAP out of my ribs and everywhere else. this baby doesn't move as much or as hard, so i told my doc. about it today and they did an ultra sound and a stress test on baby. everything looked fine! my amniotic fluid is 11 and higher than ever! which is surprising, because i don't feel like i've been doing that great of a job drinking water. but i have been trying to drink water, not pop, because i know pop dehydrates you! we got to see mason's cute little face, he looks like jax! it was so crazy, i wanted to cry. i can't wait to meet that man!
i'm also thinking i'm slightly anemic. my mom has it during pregnancy, so i might too. the dr. says my iron is a bit low, which would explain why i am like CRAZY tired lately. more tired than is normal. so i'll start taking iron supplements.
my c-section is planned for august 1st FOR SURE now. i'm really hoping i'll go early! wouldn't that be nice. we're getting mason's room finished up, and its getting SO exciting!
that's the latest and greatest. baby is very healthy!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Doc. Visit
Now I'm down to Dr. appts for every two weeks! boo-yah! its getting closer...
On June 1st i went in for a visit and made the mistake AGAIN of looking at that dang stupid scale. and yep, the number was soooo high. like really, so high. i have gained so much freaking weight. i knew this would happen, but man , its really not easy for me to cope with at all! its not like i sit and eat all day like a total slob. i really don't. i have a good appetite, always have, but geez louise. with jax i gained 52 lbs. 30 of it dropped off right after because it was water weight. this time, i think i'll gain even MORE than that, and i'm hoping its just water weight again and that it will drop off. the really terrifying thought is that i get even FATTER right after the c-section. i swell up like a whale, not even joking. in fact, if you are planning on visiting me in the hospital, please please please don't! i love you but you will never think of me the same. you won't recognize me. its that bad. last time, my feet got so big right after that my socks wouldn't even go on! NOTHING fit me, it was horrifying! at least this time, i know to expect it. no one warned me the first time. c-sections are poopy! i can't wait til this is over and done with!
anyway- back to the dr. visit. i told Lisa (my nurse practitioner who i usually don't see, i usually see dr. lunt, but he was out of town) that i was seriously so depressed about this weight gain. I told her about the massive pelvic pain and round ligament pain that comes when i go on walks. She referred me to do physical therapy! she said something could be out of alignment, and if not, PT will help loosen me up a bit. She also highly recommended that i do water aerobics at this physical therapy place AND that she thinks medicaid will pay for it! wouldn't that be wonderful? andrew was ecstatic to hear about the PT, because as you know he's studying to be a PT Assistant. He's gonna come with me and watch what they do...it'll be good for both of us!
Anyway i am really just rambling on now. I'm just glad i got to talk to Lisa, she is much more sensitive to my little problems, unlike my Dr. (probably cause he's a guy) He would just say "oh that's normal"....uggghhh but that doesn't HELP me!
okay, i'm done.
On June 1st i went in for a visit and made the mistake AGAIN of looking at that dang stupid scale. and yep, the number was soooo high. like really, so high. i have gained so much freaking weight. i knew this would happen, but man , its really not easy for me to cope with at all! its not like i sit and eat all day like a total slob. i really don't. i have a good appetite, always have, but geez louise. with jax i gained 52 lbs. 30 of it dropped off right after because it was water weight. this time, i think i'll gain even MORE than that, and i'm hoping its just water weight again and that it will drop off. the really terrifying thought is that i get even FATTER right after the c-section. i swell up like a whale, not even joking. in fact, if you are planning on visiting me in the hospital, please please please don't! i love you but you will never think of me the same. you won't recognize me. its that bad. last time, my feet got so big right after that my socks wouldn't even go on! NOTHING fit me, it was horrifying! at least this time, i know to expect it. no one warned me the first time. c-sections are poopy! i can't wait til this is over and done with!
anyway- back to the dr. visit. i told Lisa (my nurse practitioner who i usually don't see, i usually see dr. lunt, but he was out of town) that i was seriously so depressed about this weight gain. I told her about the massive pelvic pain and round ligament pain that comes when i go on walks. She referred me to do physical therapy! she said something could be out of alignment, and if not, PT will help loosen me up a bit. She also highly recommended that i do water aerobics at this physical therapy place AND that she thinks medicaid will pay for it! wouldn't that be wonderful? andrew was ecstatic to hear about the PT, because as you know he's studying to be a PT Assistant. He's gonna come with me and watch what they do...it'll be good for both of us!
Anyway i am really just rambling on now. I'm just glad i got to talk to Lisa, she is much more sensitive to my little problems, unlike my Dr. (probably cause he's a guy) He would just say "oh that's normal"....uggghhh but that doesn't HELP me!
okay, i'm done.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thoughts, fears, questions.
I've been thinking a lot about how things are going to change. well duh, what woman with a huge belly bump, massive pelvic pain, unsightly weight gain, no energy, and a super fun c-section to look forward to wouldn't be? hope that sentence makes sense.
i think about not only mason all the time and what he will be like, but i think of how life will change around here when he does make his arrival. will he have dark hair? blue eyes? brown eyes? grayish greenish hazel eyes like jax? will he have some great big weird birth mark covering half his body, or a strange tuft of hair on his body? i'm scared. with jaxon, i wasn't this scared about appearance. i thought i didn't have a reason to be. THEN jaxon came out and...YIKES! he was bruised and coneheaded and purple faced and well...not cute. sorry to say it, but every mom envisions giving birth to a beautiful newborn. call me "superficial" like andrew does, but i'm just speaking the truth. some newborns are actually cute. i've seen them.
anyway, that doesn't matter much. because jaxon started out pretty haggard, but now look at him! i look at his baby pictures and wonder how the heck he turned into the stud he is. so, thats good right? basically though, i want a healthy baby. with no huge problems to have to worry about and take care of for the rest of his life. yikes.
BUT THEN..more often, or equally often, i think of this: How on Earth am i going to split my love in two equal parts? surely, i will love one more than the other. and i'm thinking that will be jaxon. i can't see anyone replacing jaxon. and i don't want anyone to replace him! i don't want him to feel replaced! in a way, i feel like i am betraying him. oh , here's our new baby. you're not my baby anymore, sorry to ignore you. i was not this attached to jaxon for the first year of his life, i'll admit. but wow, that little boy has grown on me. i love him more than i ever knew i could, and i'm being honest. i'm not just saying that to sound good. i'll feel horrible if jaxon is always my favorite (because i've known him longer). what if i can never feel the same way about mason? andrew is worried we'll want to be with mason more, and not love jaxon as much. this is so hard! naturally, you'll like one kid more than the other. even though parents will deny it to their death, as i know i will. hopefully, andrew and i won't choose to favor the same one. but then what happens when there's 3 kids? Okay, i'm not gonna think about that right now.
does anyone have thoughts like this? or did you with your 2nd kid?
oh and tomorrow i'll be 30 weeks! yessss. that's only 9 weeks to go!
i think about not only mason all the time and what he will be like, but i think of how life will change around here when he does make his arrival. will he have dark hair? blue eyes? brown eyes? grayish greenish hazel eyes like jax? will he have some great big weird birth mark covering half his body, or a strange tuft of hair on his body? i'm scared. with jaxon, i wasn't this scared about appearance. i thought i didn't have a reason to be. THEN jaxon came out and...YIKES! he was bruised and coneheaded and purple faced and well...not cute. sorry to say it, but every mom envisions giving birth to a beautiful newborn. call me "superficial" like andrew does, but i'm just speaking the truth. some newborns are actually cute. i've seen them.
anyway, that doesn't matter much. because jaxon started out pretty haggard, but now look at him! i look at his baby pictures and wonder how the heck he turned into the stud he is. so, thats good right? basically though, i want a healthy baby. with no huge problems to have to worry about and take care of for the rest of his life. yikes.
BUT THEN..more often, or equally often, i think of this: How on Earth am i going to split my love in two equal parts? surely, i will love one more than the other. and i'm thinking that will be jaxon. i can't see anyone replacing jaxon. and i don't want anyone to replace him! i don't want him to feel replaced! in a way, i feel like i am betraying him. oh , here's our new baby. you're not my baby anymore, sorry to ignore you. i was not this attached to jaxon for the first year of his life, i'll admit. but wow, that little boy has grown on me. i love him more than i ever knew i could, and i'm being honest. i'm not just saying that to sound good. i'll feel horrible if jaxon is always my favorite (because i've known him longer). what if i can never feel the same way about mason? andrew is worried we'll want to be with mason more, and not love jaxon as much. this is so hard! naturally, you'll like one kid more than the other. even though parents will deny it to their death, as i know i will. hopefully, andrew and i won't choose to favor the same one. but then what happens when there's 3 kids? Okay, i'm not gonna think about that right now.
does anyone have thoughts like this? or did you with your 2nd kid?
oh and tomorrow i'll be 30 weeks! yessss. that's only 9 weeks to go!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Anothah update--but mostly whining.
There are a few things to update on. I am now 28 weeks,but i feel like i'm like 35. i knew i should have lost weight before getting pregnant. i have NO energy, my body apparently wasn't ready for this. i'm gaining weight like crazy, hopefully most of it is water so that i can instantly lose it after. I have lots of pelvic pressure, which doesn't feel good. i didn't have that with jax, at least not til the very end if i did. when i go on walks, i get these sharp pains in my sides. thats not very fun either. being overweight sucks! it causes crappy problems. its hard to move around, and breathe, and do ANYTHING! blah. i am already pretty sick of this. i was okay when i didn't feel like a big , useless blob, but now barely into the 3rd trimester, things are getting crappy.
I went to Labor and Delivery last monday because i thought i was leaking amniotic fluid. thanks to my awesome friend kim for being there to instantly help me out and drive me there (we're STILL doing the one car thing--super fun) Turns out i was just peeing my pants and not knowing it. Awesome. i guess the baby is sitting on my bladder, and i can't help it when pee comes out. it doesn't happen all the time, so thats good.
Yesterday I had an appt, and everything is fine with baby. I'm gaining lots of weight, but this was expected. i don't have pretty pregnancies, AT ALL! all i want to do is eat and sleep, all the time. and not exercise--no energy and its painful.
last night, my left boob started hurting pretty bad. especially if i don't wear a bra. only the one hurts. i called the doc this morning, and they are stumped, because i don't have a fever, which would mean an infection-mastitis. i feel okay. i know what an infection feels like, and i don't have any of those symptoms . yet anyway.
i don't sleep well at night anymore, so i just wanna take naps all day. its a bad cycle i've created. i wish my mom was closer so she could come cook, clean and entertain jax for me! wouldn't that be nice! i'm no good at being a grown up. i just want someone to baby me. Andrew is doing clinicals for 3 weeks. the days he's not doing clinicals , he's working at walmart DC 12 hour shifts. he's got a lot going on. then he comes home to a bored jaxon and a whiny me.
i can't really do photography anymore. i can't move around like i used to, therefore can't do as good of a job as i know i'm capable of, and that drives me nuts! especially when we could really use the money!
there are some good things. like jaxon usually lets me sleep when i want-- USUALLY. not today though. he'll watch cartoons or movies. he's pretty independent now, so thats a blessing. he's very demanding though, and can't entertain himself too well, so that's not too cool. andrew helps me out a lot when he's here. i can't imagine being a single mom! i'd rather be shot! and i have some really sweet neighbors and friends who are always willing to help me.
today's just bad because my boob hurts, i have this crappy pelvic pain, the sun isn't shining, i feel big and awkward and lazy and hungry, and i just want a freaking nap!!!
I went to Labor and Delivery last monday because i thought i was leaking amniotic fluid. thanks to my awesome friend kim for being there to instantly help me out and drive me there (we're STILL doing the one car thing--super fun) Turns out i was just peeing my pants and not knowing it. Awesome. i guess the baby is sitting on my bladder, and i can't help it when pee comes out. it doesn't happen all the time, so thats good.
Yesterday I had an appt, and everything is fine with baby. I'm gaining lots of weight, but this was expected. i don't have pretty pregnancies, AT ALL! all i want to do is eat and sleep, all the time. and not exercise--no energy and its painful.
last night, my left boob started hurting pretty bad. especially if i don't wear a bra. only the one hurts. i called the doc this morning, and they are stumped, because i don't have a fever, which would mean an infection-mastitis. i feel okay. i know what an infection feels like, and i don't have any of those symptoms . yet anyway.
i don't sleep well at night anymore, so i just wanna take naps all day. its a bad cycle i've created. i wish my mom was closer so she could come cook, clean and entertain jax for me! wouldn't that be nice! i'm no good at being a grown up. i just want someone to baby me. Andrew is doing clinicals for 3 weeks. the days he's not doing clinicals , he's working at walmart DC 12 hour shifts. he's got a lot going on. then he comes home to a bored jaxon and a whiny me.
i can't really do photography anymore. i can't move around like i used to, therefore can't do as good of a job as i know i'm capable of, and that drives me nuts! especially when we could really use the money!
there are some good things. like jaxon usually lets me sleep when i want-- USUALLY. not today though. he'll watch cartoons or movies. he's pretty independent now, so thats a blessing. he's very demanding though, and can't entertain himself too well, so that's not too cool. andrew helps me out a lot when he's here. i can't imagine being a single mom! i'd rather be shot! and i have some really sweet neighbors and friends who are always willing to help me.
today's just bad because my boob hurts, i have this crappy pelvic pain, the sun isn't shining, i feel big and awkward and lazy and hungry, and i just want a freaking nap!!!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Update
There isn't much to update actually. this pregnancy has been pretty normal and quiet so far. We had another ultrasound to see Mason's heart and upper lip. he FINALLY cooperated enough to look at those things, and they look great! My sonographer is STILL bugging me about drinking water. Apparently i'm STILL not drinking enough! I'm drinking more everyday than i ever have in my entire life! what is the deal?? i'm SO sick of peeing every 5 minutes! During the ultrasound, Mason kept moving his little lips, like he was talking. it was the cutest thing ever! We sure are getting excited! 3 more months to go!
I made the mistake of looking at the scale.. dangit. something i told myself i wouldn't do. and yep..a couple hours of tears followed after that. i get SO DANG chunky when i'm pregnant. i retain water like no one's business. its sickening. no cute little "baby bump" for me. my WHOLE body is pregnant. yuck! when i go on walks, i get these stabbing pains in my belly, really not fun at all. the doc said its normal, and that i should do other exercises like a stationary bike..sure, does he wanna buy one for me?
other than the drinking problem and the weight gain, I am blessed to have such easy pregnancies. (knock on wood)
:)
I made the mistake of looking at the scale.. dangit. something i told myself i wouldn't do. and yep..a couple hours of tears followed after that. i get SO DANG chunky when i'm pregnant. i retain water like no one's business. its sickening. no cute little "baby bump" for me. my WHOLE body is pregnant. yuck! when i go on walks, i get these stabbing pains in my belly, really not fun at all. the doc said its normal, and that i should do other exercises like a stationary bike..sure, does he wanna buy one for me?
other than the drinking problem and the weight gain, I am blessed to have such easy pregnancies. (knock on wood)
:)
Friday, April 15, 2011
I am officially 6 months!
This is nuts . i'm 6 months pregnant. its going by sooo fast this time, although it does seem like i've been pregnant forever now. weird.
So far, this really has been a pretty easy pregnancy. Things are going well, baby is doing fine for all i know. Andrew & I have been getting things ready for M's room, and oh man, its looking CUTE! i am so excited! Andrew spray painted his crib light blue, changing table yellow, I ordered some light blue"oil cloth" online to use for his changing table ( i learned last baby that whatever is on the changing table gets DIRTY , so it needs to be washable), spray painted DI shelves red, painted 6 milk crates different colors (they will be like shelves in his room kind of), painted a red "M" for his room. My friend Kim made his crib blanket which is adorable and i love it! she's also working on the rest of his crib set, pillows, etc. i'm soooooo dang excited. she has great ideas! i'm ordering monster books from e-bay to put on his shelves, and hats from etsy to use for his newborn pics. Jax helped me also made a flag garland (is that what they're called?) that's hanging on one of his walls, and i cut out some vinyl words with my cricut! so fun! you can't say we're not prepared for this little man! i am so thankful for andrew, he has been helping me make all my ideas happen. and i have EVERYTHING planned out, and its coming together so well! can't wait to take pics!
anyway,
i also wanted to write down how the two pregnancies have been different & alike.
-I am soooo tired this pregnancy. with jax was i this tired? i don't think so..but i didn't have a crazy 3 yr old at that time either.
-I have had morning sickness this whole pregnancy , and i had it the whole time with jax too. the difference is, the sickness was worse with jax at the first of the pregnancy. i threw up lots more. now, either i know how to control it better. (don't cough, that triggers it, eat FIRST thing in the morning, if i do feel the need to vomit, i look up and take deep breaths and concentrate hard on not throwing up.)
-Mason's kicks are more gentle where Jax's were more spastic and rough. maybe mason will kick harder as time goes on, but by this time jax was kicking harder. i also felt jax waaaay earlier than Mas. I felt jax at 14 weeks, Mason at 19 weeks.
- this time i am having trouble with having enough amniotic fluid, where with jax, that was never an issue. my sonographer is always on my case about drinking tons of water. my levels are low, but not too low. as the summer hits though, i will have to drink even MORE water (i'm ordered to drink 90 oz now)
- my belly doesn't seem as big as it was with jax. oh, i'm gaining the weight alright. in my face, arms, thighs, butt. but not my belly so much. figures! it could have a lot to do with the whole low amniotic fluid thing (that would make my belly seem smaller) , and the fact that i don't drink enough water makes me retain water, therefore making my whole body fat. blah.
- i am having lots of pelvic pressure pain and tailbone pain. i don't think i remember that so much with jax. i wonder if that means this baby is sitting lower?
- that's all i can think of right now.
i love talking about Mason with Jax. he's understanding things and that's so exciting. i'll say "go put this in mason's room", sometimes jax will talk to my belly, trying to wake mason up or tell him things. sometimes if jax is pulling one of his dramatic fits, i will tell him that mason is kicking my belly too because he hears someone screaming and being mean to his mom and he doesn't like it, and it scares him. that usually stops jaxon because HE'S the one being mean to mom. and he'll think about that for a minute. we talk about how jax is the older brother and when Mason is born he can't pee or poop in the potty, he goes in his diaper because he's a baby. jax will say, "well mom, you can just hold him over the potty so he can go in it" . hahaha i love that kid. i am so excited for him to get a little brother. it will be a big change for him, but so good. he's so gentle and sweet with babies, i love that about him. he'll see commercials with babies and ask "mom, are we gonna have a baby like that?" so cute! and sometimes i'll come home from my doc appts , and he'll say "where's the baby?", he thinks i go there to get the baby out. he's very concerned about the doctors hurting me to get the baby out. i tell him the doctors will take good care of me and fix me. he seems to be fine with that answer.
well this is longer than i wanted...
we have yet another ultrasound on the 20th, i will keep this updated!
So far, this really has been a pretty easy pregnancy. Things are going well, baby is doing fine for all i know. Andrew & I have been getting things ready for M's room, and oh man, its looking CUTE! i am so excited! Andrew spray painted his crib light blue, changing table yellow, I ordered some light blue"oil cloth" online to use for his changing table ( i learned last baby that whatever is on the changing table gets DIRTY , so it needs to be washable), spray painted DI shelves red, painted 6 milk crates different colors (they will be like shelves in his room kind of), painted a red "M" for his room. My friend Kim made his crib blanket which is adorable and i love it! she's also working on the rest of his crib set, pillows, etc. i'm soooooo dang excited. she has great ideas! i'm ordering monster books from e-bay to put on his shelves, and hats from etsy to use for his newborn pics. Jax helped me also made a flag garland (is that what they're called?) that's hanging on one of his walls, and i cut out some vinyl words with my cricut! so fun! you can't say we're not prepared for this little man! i am so thankful for andrew, he has been helping me make all my ideas happen. and i have EVERYTHING planned out, and its coming together so well! can't wait to take pics!
anyway,
i also wanted to write down how the two pregnancies have been different & alike.
-I am soooo tired this pregnancy. with jax was i this tired? i don't think so..but i didn't have a crazy 3 yr old at that time either.
-I have had morning sickness this whole pregnancy , and i had it the whole time with jax too. the difference is, the sickness was worse with jax at the first of the pregnancy. i threw up lots more. now, either i know how to control it better. (don't cough, that triggers it, eat FIRST thing in the morning, if i do feel the need to vomit, i look up and take deep breaths and concentrate hard on not throwing up.)
-Mason's kicks are more gentle where Jax's were more spastic and rough. maybe mason will kick harder as time goes on, but by this time jax was kicking harder. i also felt jax waaaay earlier than Mas. I felt jax at 14 weeks, Mason at 19 weeks.
- this time i am having trouble with having enough amniotic fluid, where with jax, that was never an issue. my sonographer is always on my case about drinking tons of water. my levels are low, but not too low. as the summer hits though, i will have to drink even MORE water (i'm ordered to drink 90 oz now)
- my belly doesn't seem as big as it was with jax. oh, i'm gaining the weight alright. in my face, arms, thighs, butt. but not my belly so much. figures! it could have a lot to do with the whole low amniotic fluid thing (that would make my belly seem smaller) , and the fact that i don't drink enough water makes me retain water, therefore making my whole body fat. blah.
- i am having lots of pelvic pressure pain and tailbone pain. i don't think i remember that so much with jax. i wonder if that means this baby is sitting lower?
- that's all i can think of right now.
i love talking about Mason with Jax. he's understanding things and that's so exciting. i'll say "go put this in mason's room", sometimes jax will talk to my belly, trying to wake mason up or tell him things. sometimes if jax is pulling one of his dramatic fits, i will tell him that mason is kicking my belly too because he hears someone screaming and being mean to his mom and he doesn't like it, and it scares him. that usually stops jaxon because HE'S the one being mean to mom. and he'll think about that for a minute. we talk about how jax is the older brother and when Mason is born he can't pee or poop in the potty, he goes in his diaper because he's a baby. jax will say, "well mom, you can just hold him over the potty so he can go in it" . hahaha i love that kid. i am so excited for him to get a little brother. it will be a big change for him, but so good. he's so gentle and sweet with babies, i love that about him. he'll see commercials with babies and ask "mom, are we gonna have a baby like that?" so cute! and sometimes i'll come home from my doc appts , and he'll say "where's the baby?", he thinks i go there to get the baby out. he's very concerned about the doctors hurting me to get the baby out. i tell him the doctors will take good care of me and fix me. he seems to be fine with that answer.
well this is longer than i wanted...
we have yet another ultrasound on the 20th, i will keep this updated!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
he moved!
i felt the mason bear move!
{ okay, jax is my "bear". what should i call mason? bird? bug? giraffe? monster? yeah, i think i'll do monster..}
i felt the mason monster move! his movement resembles nothing like that of a monster, it happens rarely and is more gentle. i'm hoping this means he's not gonna be a hyper crazy person?? he'll be shy and gentle. i can hope.
i felt him move at 19 weeks exactly. tomorrow i'll be 20 weeks! more than half way through. i get c-sections so i get to go at 39 weeks! yessss!
CRAVINGS:
-dill pickles , the "claussen" brand. most expensive , but worth it.
-jumbo smarties suckers (the pink and purple kind)
-special K cereal, with fruit and yogurt bits
my mouth is watering now..
we got another ultrasound last week but the stinker likes to hide in the fold of my uterus tissue
( pretty picture, huh? ) , therefore seeing his handsome little face & inside his heart is basically impossible. we did get one creepy face shot, and lets just hope he gets cuter, and less alien-like. haha. of course he will- no one read this the wrong way and think i hate my unborn baby! please, i beg of you! he's gonna be a stud with dark hair. he has to. 3 out of 4 of my kids are supposed to have dark hair.. (since i do, and that's dominant) jax was blonde but is going a bit darker, but mason is a dark haired name, therefore, he will be dark!
anyway since monster man wouldn't move out of my tissue, we have scheduled yet ANOTHER ultrasound (this will be ultrasound #5 with this booger) to check his upper lip and heart. i actually love the ultrasounds, they are fun! its fun to see the stinky thing moving around! i think next time he'll wave at us!
oh and did i mention my sonographer is MAKING me drink 6 bottles of water a day? that's over 96 oz people! if that doesn't kill me ...i don't know what will! eeek!
{ okay, jax is my "bear". what should i call mason? bird? bug? giraffe? monster? yeah, i think i'll do monster..}
i felt the mason monster move! his movement resembles nothing like that of a monster, it happens rarely and is more gentle. i'm hoping this means he's not gonna be a hyper crazy person?? he'll be shy and gentle. i can hope.
i felt him move at 19 weeks exactly. tomorrow i'll be 20 weeks! more than half way through. i get c-sections so i get to go at 39 weeks! yessss!
CRAVINGS:
-dill pickles , the "claussen" brand. most expensive , but worth it.
-jumbo smarties suckers (the pink and purple kind)
-special K cereal, with fruit and yogurt bits
my mouth is watering now..
we got another ultrasound last week but the stinker likes to hide in the fold of my uterus tissue
( pretty picture, huh? ) , therefore seeing his handsome little face & inside his heart is basically impossible. we did get one creepy face shot, and lets just hope he gets cuter, and less alien-like. haha. of course he will- no one read this the wrong way and think i hate my unborn baby! please, i beg of you! he's gonna be a stud with dark hair. he has to. 3 out of 4 of my kids are supposed to have dark hair.. (since i do, and that's dominant) jax was blonde but is going a bit darker, but mason is a dark haired name, therefore, he will be dark!
anyway since monster man wouldn't move out of my tissue, we have scheduled yet ANOTHER ultrasound (this will be ultrasound #5 with this booger) to check his upper lip and heart. i actually love the ultrasounds, they are fun! its fun to see the stinky thing moving around! i think next time he'll wave at us!
oh and did i mention my sonographer is MAKING me drink 6 bottles of water a day? that's over 96 oz people! if that doesn't kill me ...i don't know what will! eeek!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
movement & such
I am 18 weeks and 2 days today and i still have NOT felt this stinky man child move.
what the heck?
with jax, i felt movement at 14 weeks, i am not even kidding. i know thats early, but its the truth.
the sonographer said she sees him moving around like a normal baby, but why don't i feel it?!
it sort of upsets me.
in other news..
we are pretty set on the name Mason. I've loved Mason Mckay for a pretty long time now. Andrew doesn't like Mckay, and he also brought to my attention that it doesn't have any special importance. its just a name i pulled out of thin air. i didn't care about this though at first, and now i'm starting to. i am thinking more and more about how names to need to mean something. i know now that i want Mason named after my Dad. His first name is Joseph.
so...
its Joseph Mason
or Mason Joseph
?
neither one rolls of my tongue great. but i WILL name him after my dad. which do you like best?
AND
we're decorating in Monsters! yay! so fun. my friend kim has gotten me all pumped up about how cute its gonna be. she's amazing at creating just about anything, so i am very excited to help make Mason's room. His colors are red, gray, blue and yellow. jax's room is jungle and his colors are light green, dark green, orange, yellow, brown and tan. i want Mason's room to be completely different. And i want his favorite color to be red. with jax , i wanted his favorite color to be green and i succeeded!
anyway jax is getting more and more excited for his brother, although he STILL says he wants a stister! what the heck! i told him someday, he should hopefully get one of each. he's already choosing out his and mason's halloween costumes. i sure do love that boy. i can't wait to see what mason'll be like. no one could have as much personality as jax! i am hoping mason will just be a calm sweetheart that wants to cuddle with his mama.
August 1st seems so far away!
what the heck?
with jax, i felt movement at 14 weeks, i am not even kidding. i know thats early, but its the truth.
the sonographer said she sees him moving around like a normal baby, but why don't i feel it?!
it sort of upsets me.
in other news..
we are pretty set on the name Mason. I've loved Mason Mckay for a pretty long time now. Andrew doesn't like Mckay, and he also brought to my attention that it doesn't have any special importance. its just a name i pulled out of thin air. i didn't care about this though at first, and now i'm starting to. i am thinking more and more about how names to need to mean something. i know now that i want Mason named after my Dad. His first name is Joseph.
so...
its Joseph Mason
or Mason Joseph
?
neither one rolls of my tongue great. but i WILL name him after my dad. which do you like best?
AND
we're decorating in Monsters! yay! so fun. my friend kim has gotten me all pumped up about how cute its gonna be. she's amazing at creating just about anything, so i am very excited to help make Mason's room. His colors are red, gray, blue and yellow. jax's room is jungle and his colors are light green, dark green, orange, yellow, brown and tan. i want Mason's room to be completely different. And i want his favorite color to be red. with jax , i wanted his favorite color to be green and i succeeded!
anyway jax is getting more and more excited for his brother, although he STILL says he wants a stister! what the heck! i told him someday, he should hopefully get one of each. he's already choosing out his and mason's halloween costumes. i sure do love that boy. i can't wait to see what mason'll be like. no one could have as much personality as jax! i am hoping mason will just be a calm sweetheart that wants to cuddle with his mama.
August 1st seems so far away!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
not done.
Actually no, i'm not done.
i'll never be done. because this is ME. some people can't handle me and that's okay. go live your own life and don't blog stalk me. (you know who you are . you quit "following" my blogs and you blocked me from yours, so why on Earth are you still silently reading mine?)
i am not ashamed of what i wrote and anyone who knows me knows i will love my new son unconditionally. i love jax more than anything in this world. i really shouldn't have to be saying this. don't ever tell a mom she doesn't love her kids! unless you wanna get beat up!
i wrote what i felt, which was real. people who think i am evil for writing things that are negative need to look in the mirror because you can't say you've never had the thoughts that i choose to voice out loud? if so, you're in denial. its perfectly normal to feel disappointment, regret, and all those other negative emotions, just as it is to feel the happy ones. unfortunately, the blogging world is all about sugar coating your life so people will think you are a perfect person. well i don't need anyone to think i'm perfect, i'd rather be thought of as real.
i am so blessed to have so many friends that have my back. but you know of course , it takes one negative comment to break me down. and it did. i wish i could say it didn't, because this person does not deserve that satisfaction. i have never been so upset with someone my age since probably middle school. she must be glad she succeeded , right? people who are surprised by my meanness and tell me things like "i'll lose all my friends" and i "disappoint them", have apparently never pissed me off. i'm not one to piss off, ESPECIALLY when i'm pregnant.
in other news, i have some very sweet people in my life to thank. i have a friend who has lent me some maternity clothes . i didn't even ask her. she even let me borrow her vicki's bra. its soooo soft and i just love it. she is such a great friend! you know who you are :) and another friend, who always tries to understand me and now that i'm having a boy, she can totally relate with how i feel. she's helping me get really exciting about having a second boy. she helped me choose a cute theme and colors and she is going to make the baby EVERYTHING. (she's very talented that way!) I'm so excited to get working on all of it and to share it with you! i'm also thankful for my mom. i called her and cried and cried and she didn't once judge me or tell me i'm horrible for feeling the way i felt. i guess she knows me the best. she knows i love my jax more than anything, and that i'll love this baby the same way. she really helped me feel better by just being there to listen to me cry about it. (which is sometimes all you need) I also have a whole buttload of facebook and blogger friends who have told me things to help me feel better. its so nice to feel that support and know i am cared about by many. I am blessed. so blessed. I just don't do well with the select few who want to tear me down. my strong suit in life is definitely not keeping my mouth shut when someone attacks me.
anyway. i'm not done blogging. its what i do, and i love all the sweet feedback and advice i get from all you REAL moms & even those who aren't moms yet. i have a lot of thank you notes i should write :)
i'll never be done. because this is ME. some people can't handle me and that's okay. go live your own life and don't blog stalk me. (you know who you are . you quit "following" my blogs and you blocked me from yours, so why on Earth are you still silently reading mine?)
i am not ashamed of what i wrote and anyone who knows me knows i will love my new son unconditionally. i love jax more than anything in this world. i really shouldn't have to be saying this. don't ever tell a mom she doesn't love her kids! unless you wanna get beat up!
i wrote what i felt, which was real. people who think i am evil for writing things that are negative need to look in the mirror because you can't say you've never had the thoughts that i choose to voice out loud? if so, you're in denial. its perfectly normal to feel disappointment, regret, and all those other negative emotions, just as it is to feel the happy ones. unfortunately, the blogging world is all about sugar coating your life so people will think you are a perfect person. well i don't need anyone to think i'm perfect, i'd rather be thought of as real.
i am so blessed to have so many friends that have my back. but you know of course , it takes one negative comment to break me down. and it did. i wish i could say it didn't, because this person does not deserve that satisfaction. i have never been so upset with someone my age since probably middle school. she must be glad she succeeded , right? people who are surprised by my meanness and tell me things like "i'll lose all my friends" and i "disappoint them", have apparently never pissed me off. i'm not one to piss off, ESPECIALLY when i'm pregnant.
in other news, i have some very sweet people in my life to thank. i have a friend who has lent me some maternity clothes . i didn't even ask her. she even let me borrow her vicki's bra. its soooo soft and i just love it. she is such a great friend! you know who you are :) and another friend, who always tries to understand me and now that i'm having a boy, she can totally relate with how i feel. she's helping me get really exciting about having a second boy. she helped me choose a cute theme and colors and she is going to make the baby EVERYTHING. (she's very talented that way!) I'm so excited to get working on all of it and to share it with you! i'm also thankful for my mom. i called her and cried and cried and she didn't once judge me or tell me i'm horrible for feeling the way i felt. i guess she knows me the best. she knows i love my jax more than anything, and that i'll love this baby the same way. she really helped me feel better by just being there to listen to me cry about it. (which is sometimes all you need) I also have a whole buttload of facebook and blogger friends who have told me things to help me feel better. its so nice to feel that support and know i am cared about by many. I am blessed. so blessed. I just don't do well with the select few who want to tear me down. my strong suit in life is definitely not keeping my mouth shut when someone attacks me.
anyway. i'm not done blogging. its what i do, and i love all the sweet feedback and advice i get from all you REAL moms & even those who aren't moms yet. i have a lot of thank you notes i should write :)
DONE.
i just got some very very hurtful posts from people who apparently don't have a life. saying stuff like "if child services could see what you wrote" ...blah blah. anyway, i'm done with this blog. i can't handle the rudeness of some people.
so looks like some of you got your wish. i'm off.
so looks like some of you got your wish. i'm off.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Its a...
{warning: this will most definitely be a whiny , complaining post, which i KNOW i have absolutely no right to do so due to the fact that it took me exactly 18 months to finally get pregnant. but listen, i'm pregnant, i'm hormonal, and well that's a good enough reason for any act of behavior.}
jax is getting a brother.
yep, so its a boy.
today was a very very very hard day for me. i believe i have now gathered myself enough to write this.
i've told myself on and off that this baby was a boy. but i told myself this in a sort of reverse psychology type of way. you see, i thought if i pretended like it was a boy for long enough, well that life would be life, and give me the opposite. but what i didn't realize is that deep in the back of my mind, okay well maybe not so deep, i really really really thought it was a girl. i even bought a few cute little summer dresses. See how well i did with pretending it was a boy? my plan didn't work so well. Andrew thought it was a girl. He said he might as well hope for one, and i told him that's only gonna hurt when we find out its a boy. ha, yeah i needed to take my own advice. as for jax, he thought it was a "stister". he was set on this, infact. i thought, who better to believe than a 3 year old right? he surely would know the gender if anyone would, right? i believe in the whole kids knowing more than we think thing. jax was wrong. i've been trying to convince him this whole day that its a brother, not a stister.
the first time we did the gender check (last week) , the baby wouldn't spread his legs. i THOUGHT i saw balls. yep, i probably did actually. my fluid was low and the baby wouldn't move or wake up, so we had to reschedule. the sonographer said that those "balls" i saw could just as easily be a "swollen labia" (woman parts). that gave me some hope, but i was more set than ever that it was a boy. the sonographer said she thought it was a boy but only by 1%. she said its still pretty 50/50. i told myself it was boy. but, i really didn't apparently. because today when we did see that little wiener sticking up THREE times, tears came instantly. luckily, i was able to hold them back til we got out of the office. then it started. it was like a dam had broke, i could NOT stop crying. i cried because i wanted a girl. i cried because i knew how rotten of a person i was to be crying over having a boy. i cried because, i know, i just know my little boy can watch me from heaven whenever he wants and at that moment i'm sure he felt like crap. i cried because i didn't deserve this, i was being selfish. i thought having three brothers and no sisters was bad enough, now TWO little boys? i cried because mentally, I CAN'T handle another jaxon. everything (well besides health issues, i'm very lucky) that CAN go wrong with a baby, did with jaxon. he refused to breastfeed , when i tried my absolute hardest. he would only take a special bottle with a special nipple and a special binky that can't be found just anywhere. he has colic for 5 months, he didn't sleep through the night EVER until he was 13 months old and we left him in a room all night to cry it out. he hates to eat. he hates to sleep. potty training the kid is misery. he's as cute as heck, but my HELL , can i do this again?! do i want to? do i deserve an easier kid? yes, yes i do. and i thought that meant a girl, naturally. i only have one kid, a boy, and he's put me through a lot of crap. i love him a lot, i really really do. but somedays i want to quit. i want to run far far away. i don't want to ever be a mom again. rough stuff. (hey i warned you about the complaining. its my blog)
anyway.
i'm having a boy. and just to make matters worse, the childrens place, Target AND old navy, decided that baby boys don't need clothes like baby girls do. i'm not even kidding here. there were like 100 girl outfits to 5 boy outfits. ask me why i put myself through the torture of going baby shopping today? ask me why i made the choice to walk into a store where i would surely be surrounded by a billion cute , frilly, yellow summer dresses? well, i told myself i wouldn't look. my plan was to go to the boy stuff, find something waaaay cute, and buy it as sort of a "celebratory , i just found out i'm having a boy" act. i thought this could cheer me up. instead, i did some more crying. yes, in the store. wow, it was bad. but i did manage to find one thing i approved of. well two. a cute little outfit and some little flip-flops.
did i mention August is a girl month?
ok, i'm done.
jax is getting a brother.
yep, so its a boy.
today was a very very very hard day for me. i believe i have now gathered myself enough to write this.
i've told myself on and off that this baby was a boy. but i told myself this in a sort of reverse psychology type of way. you see, i thought if i pretended like it was a boy for long enough, well that life would be life, and give me the opposite. but what i didn't realize is that deep in the back of my mind, okay well maybe not so deep, i really really really thought it was a girl. i even bought a few cute little summer dresses. See how well i did with pretending it was a boy? my plan didn't work so well. Andrew thought it was a girl. He said he might as well hope for one, and i told him that's only gonna hurt when we find out its a boy. ha, yeah i needed to take my own advice. as for jax, he thought it was a "stister". he was set on this, infact. i thought, who better to believe than a 3 year old right? he surely would know the gender if anyone would, right? i believe in the whole kids knowing more than we think thing. jax was wrong. i've been trying to convince him this whole day that its a brother, not a stister.
the first time we did the gender check (last week) , the baby wouldn't spread his legs. i THOUGHT i saw balls. yep, i probably did actually. my fluid was low and the baby wouldn't move or wake up, so we had to reschedule. the sonographer said that those "balls" i saw could just as easily be a "swollen labia" (woman parts). that gave me some hope, but i was more set than ever that it was a boy. the sonographer said she thought it was a boy but only by 1%. she said its still pretty 50/50. i told myself it was boy. but, i really didn't apparently. because today when we did see that little wiener sticking up THREE times, tears came instantly. luckily, i was able to hold them back til we got out of the office. then it started. it was like a dam had broke, i could NOT stop crying. i cried because i wanted a girl. i cried because i knew how rotten of a person i was to be crying over having a boy. i cried because, i know, i just know my little boy can watch me from heaven whenever he wants and at that moment i'm sure he felt like crap. i cried because i didn't deserve this, i was being selfish. i thought having three brothers and no sisters was bad enough, now TWO little boys? i cried because mentally, I CAN'T handle another jaxon. everything (well besides health issues, i'm very lucky) that CAN go wrong with a baby, did with jaxon. he refused to breastfeed , when i tried my absolute hardest. he would only take a special bottle with a special nipple and a special binky that can't be found just anywhere. he has colic for 5 months, he didn't sleep through the night EVER until he was 13 months old and we left him in a room all night to cry it out. he hates to eat. he hates to sleep. potty training the kid is misery. he's as cute as heck, but my HELL , can i do this again?! do i want to? do i deserve an easier kid? yes, yes i do. and i thought that meant a girl, naturally. i only have one kid, a boy, and he's put me through a lot of crap. i love him a lot, i really really do. but somedays i want to quit. i want to run far far away. i don't want to ever be a mom again. rough stuff. (hey i warned you about the complaining. its my blog)
anyway.
i'm having a boy. and just to make matters worse, the childrens place, Target AND old navy, decided that baby boys don't need clothes like baby girls do. i'm not even kidding here. there were like 100 girl outfits to 5 boy outfits. ask me why i put myself through the torture of going baby shopping today? ask me why i made the choice to walk into a store where i would surely be surrounded by a billion cute , frilly, yellow summer dresses? well, i told myself i wouldn't look. my plan was to go to the boy stuff, find something waaaay cute, and buy it as sort of a "celebratory , i just found out i'm having a boy" act. i thought this could cheer me up. instead, i did some more crying. yes, in the store. wow, it was bad. but i did manage to find one thing i approved of. well two. a cute little outfit and some little flip-flops.
did i mention August is a girl month?
ok, i'm done.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Names we (well I) like
Girl names:
EASY SHMEASY
Lydia Jane.
if we had twins, we'd do Lydia Jane & Ivy Lucille (call her Lucy)
other names i like: Hazel, Hadley, Lyla, Leah, Violet, CheyAnne ,Charlotte, AnnaBella, MaryJane (if it didn't mean marajuana)
Boy Names:
Lincoln Mckay (Andrew doesn't like Mckay, i don't really care)
Mason Mckay
Mason Luke
Lincoln Conor
Lincoln David
Mason David
names i like:
Joseph Conor (call him Conor, Joseph is my dad's first name)
Franklin (my grandpa's name, would be used as a middle name)
Emerson
Eddison
Andrew doesn't throw many names to the table AT ALL , & the ones i think of he doesn't like very much. Fun huh?
pretty much , we're down to these:
Lydia Jane (both family history names)
&
Lincoln (i want Mckay and andrew wants some family name but won't think of one)
EASY SHMEASY
Lydia Jane.
if we had twins, we'd do Lydia Jane & Ivy Lucille (call her Lucy)
other names i like: Hazel, Hadley, Lyla, Leah, Violet, CheyAnne ,Charlotte, AnnaBella, MaryJane (if it didn't mean marajuana)
Boy Names:
Lincoln Mckay (Andrew doesn't like Mckay, i don't really care)
Mason Mckay
Mason Luke
Lincoln Conor
Lincoln David
Mason David
names i like:
Joseph Conor (call him Conor, Joseph is my dad's first name)
Franklin (my grandpa's name, would be used as a middle name)
Emerson
Eddison
Andrew doesn't throw many names to the table AT ALL , & the ones i think of he doesn't like very much. Fun huh?
pretty much , we're down to these:
Lydia Jane (both family history names)
&
Lincoln (i want Mckay and andrew wants some family name but won't think of one)
Friday, February 11, 2011
2nd appt.
i've meant to update this...i'm the lamest blogger lately.
i went to the doc a couple days ago, and met my doc, Dr. Lunt. We like him quite a bit. I told him my horrible birth story with jax, and he promised this time would not be the same! I for sure get a c-section, no questions asked. I'll get to go at 39 weeks, which is August 1st!
Everything looked fine. we hard the heartbeat which was 150. since i have a history of hypertension, they are making me do the whole pee in the jug for 24 hours thing. i haven't started it yet, but i'm definitely pumped for that being a good time. this time, i didn't even LOOK at the scale when i was weighed..i don't need that guilt, i really don't. i'm gonna get through this however i can, and then i'll become a hot, sexy, skinny, tan mama later on.
i am still nauseous in the morning if i don't eat right away. in the morning i like to cough, but i have to stop myself because it tells my pregnant body to throw up if i do that. i am loving cold cereal, which i always have. i can have a few bowls a day. i'm really really into FRESH things. this means fresh fruit (normally yuck), fresh subs, fresh salads, nothing with really strong taste, like buffalo wings or onions. the biggest surprise of my whole entire life....CHOCOLATE DOES NOT DO IT FOR ME ANYMORE... WHAT?!?! yeah weird huh. i am into fruity, juicy candy. or tart candy. currently my addiction is "sweettarts" . they tear up my mouth though. have a lot of them..you'll see what i mean. the texture though..yum. i must have it! with jax, it was all about protein. i couldn't get enough of it. i would love refried beans, chili, steak, and now with this one its opposite. i want everything FRESH and kind of bland..like a turkey sandwich. no strong flavors. that's hard for me because i love things bursting with spice and flavor. i am just hoping with this change of cravings, it means something gender wise ??
the crazy dreams are still very much happening, but i'm entertained by them. i LOVE sleep, and i will during the whole pregnancy and the rest of my life.with jax, i could also sleep like no ones business. i've been getting heartburn some nights. i'm getting better about not having to eat every hour, which is good. i was really scared of waking up one morning to being 600lbs.
oh! and guess what......we get to find out the gender early! my doc offers it for $25 to find out at 16 weeks. we will then have another ultrasound at 19 weeks to make sure of it and get other info for the docs to see. i am so dang freaking excited! that's like 11 days! eeee!!!! ok. lately i'm thinking GIRL. butttttttt that could easily mean its a boy. so now i'm really anxious to find out. and i don't know how i am going to feel if its a boy. when i went with my mom to find out what her last baby was, i was set on a girl. when they said "boy" , i cried the whole way home, stomped up the stairs, slammed my door and cried some more. that was my 3rd brother. i never got a sister. will i get a daughter? me and my friend kim , did the "wedding ring gender prediction test". we did it on her, and I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, it did her two boys, then a girl, then stopped. she already has the two boys...for me it did a boy (jax), then a girl, then stopped! its nuts. we'll have to see if its right. some people swear by it. if you don't know what it is, google it.
anyway, that's about it! i'll update soon!
i went to the doc a couple days ago, and met my doc, Dr. Lunt. We like him quite a bit. I told him my horrible birth story with jax, and he promised this time would not be the same! I for sure get a c-section, no questions asked. I'll get to go at 39 weeks, which is August 1st!
Everything looked fine. we hard the heartbeat which was 150. since i have a history of hypertension, they are making me do the whole pee in the jug for 24 hours thing. i haven't started it yet, but i'm definitely pumped for that being a good time. this time, i didn't even LOOK at the scale when i was weighed..i don't need that guilt, i really don't. i'm gonna get through this however i can, and then i'll become a hot, sexy, skinny, tan mama later on.
i am still nauseous in the morning if i don't eat right away. in the morning i like to cough, but i have to stop myself because it tells my pregnant body to throw up if i do that. i am loving cold cereal, which i always have. i can have a few bowls a day. i'm really really into FRESH things. this means fresh fruit (normally yuck), fresh subs, fresh salads, nothing with really strong taste, like buffalo wings or onions. the biggest surprise of my whole entire life....CHOCOLATE DOES NOT DO IT FOR ME ANYMORE... WHAT?!?! yeah weird huh. i am into fruity, juicy candy. or tart candy. currently my addiction is "sweettarts" . they tear up my mouth though. have a lot of them..you'll see what i mean. the texture though..yum. i must have it! with jax, it was all about protein. i couldn't get enough of it. i would love refried beans, chili, steak, and now with this one its opposite. i want everything FRESH and kind of bland..like a turkey sandwich. no strong flavors. that's hard for me because i love things bursting with spice and flavor. i am just hoping with this change of cravings, it means something gender wise ??
the crazy dreams are still very much happening, but i'm entertained by them. i LOVE sleep, and i will during the whole pregnancy and the rest of my life.with jax, i could also sleep like no ones business. i've been getting heartburn some nights. i'm getting better about not having to eat every hour, which is good. i was really scared of waking up one morning to being 600lbs.
oh! and guess what......we get to find out the gender early! my doc offers it for $25 to find out at 16 weeks. we will then have another ultrasound at 19 weeks to make sure of it and get other info for the docs to see. i am so dang freaking excited! that's like 11 days! eeee!!!! ok. lately i'm thinking GIRL. butttttttt that could easily mean its a boy. so now i'm really anxious to find out. and i don't know how i am going to feel if its a boy. when i went with my mom to find out what her last baby was, i was set on a girl. when they said "boy" , i cried the whole way home, stomped up the stairs, slammed my door and cried some more. that was my 3rd brother. i never got a sister. will i get a daughter? me and my friend kim , did the "wedding ring gender prediction test". we did it on her, and I'M NOT EVEN JOKING, it did her two boys, then a girl, then stopped. she already has the two boys...for me it did a boy (jax), then a girl, then stopped! its nuts. we'll have to see if its right. some people swear by it. if you don't know what it is, google it.
anyway, that's about it! i'll update soon!
Friday, January 14, 2011
First Appt.
I started this blog to remember the details of being pregnant! i did it a little bit with jax, but i'd like to do a better job this time. its always interesting to go back and read.
We had our first appointment Jan 3 , 2011. My Dr. is Dr. Lunt, but i see Lisa Borunda (i think thats her name) a lot of the time. she is a nurse practitioner and i really like her! well i got a good old pap smear which was the highlight of my week, NOT! We tried to hear a heartbeat, but couldn't because i was only 9 weeks. So we did an ultrasound. We saw the baby's heartbeat! It was crazy, and at that moment i thought, ok maybe this is real... (although i'm STILL struggling with that concept) Andrew was there with me. It was so dang awesome to see that heartbeat. Well, the Lisa couldn't exactly read how far along i was , so she scheduled me two days later to come in and get a real ultrasound. she said i was measuring small, like 7 weeks instead of 9. I wasn 't too happy about that, dealing with the awesomeness of morning sickness.
So, a couple days later, i got the ultrasound. My uterus is SO tipped that they couldn't get a very good reading, so i had to do a vaginal scan. they stuck this little stick up my you know what, it was too bad though. we heard the heartbeat again and got a much clearer picture. i WAS 9 weeks, not 7, so that was fabulous to hear. Also, a pregnancy cyst was discovered on my ovary. but apparently, these are kind of normal, and they help give the baby nutrients. if i didn't hear that from the Dr herself, i wouldn't believe that. sounds like a big fat load of crap! its there though, because i am having super painful cramps here and there, and i think Mr. Cyst is to blame. The heartbeat was 165, which was normal. the old wives tale about the heart rate is not true at all. that was sad, because according to that theory, i'd be having a girl.
lets all be honest here. i want a girl. wouldn't you?
so that's about it. my next appt is in Feb, so i'll update then, or TRY.
so far, I'm:
-so tired
-so unmotivated
-so lazy
-antisocial
-so hungry like every dang hour! but mostly everything sounds good to eat, so that's nice! no real cravings yet, except maybe comfort food. i don't want things with strong flavors anymore, like hot wings or onions. not fun to imagine burping or barfing up.
-sweets aren't necessary for me like they used to be. i guess i'm craving more salty than sweet. (that means boy)
-morning sickness is there, but not half as bad as with jax. i've thrown up maybe a total of 7 times so far. i get sick throughout the day, but i don't throw up.
- my hair is shinier, skin is clearer, and i feel prettier. (weird)
signs lead to boy....we'll see!
We had our first appointment Jan 3 , 2011. My Dr. is Dr. Lunt, but i see Lisa Borunda (i think thats her name) a lot of the time. she is a nurse practitioner and i really like her! well i got a good old pap smear which was the highlight of my week, NOT! We tried to hear a heartbeat, but couldn't because i was only 9 weeks. So we did an ultrasound. We saw the baby's heartbeat! It was crazy, and at that moment i thought, ok maybe this is real... (although i'm STILL struggling with that concept) Andrew was there with me. It was so dang awesome to see that heartbeat. Well, the Lisa couldn't exactly read how far along i was , so she scheduled me two days later to come in and get a real ultrasound. she said i was measuring small, like 7 weeks instead of 9. I wasn 't too happy about that, dealing with the awesomeness of morning sickness.
So, a couple days later, i got the ultrasound. My uterus is SO tipped that they couldn't get a very good reading, so i had to do a vaginal scan. they stuck this little stick up my you know what, it was too bad though. we heard the heartbeat again and got a much clearer picture. i WAS 9 weeks, not 7, so that was fabulous to hear. Also, a pregnancy cyst was discovered on my ovary. but apparently, these are kind of normal, and they help give the baby nutrients. if i didn't hear that from the Dr herself, i wouldn't believe that. sounds like a big fat load of crap! its there though, because i am having super painful cramps here and there, and i think Mr. Cyst is to blame. The heartbeat was 165, which was normal. the old wives tale about the heart rate is not true at all. that was sad, because according to that theory, i'd be having a girl.
lets all be honest here. i want a girl. wouldn't you?
so that's about it. my next appt is in Feb, so i'll update then, or TRY.
so far, I'm:
-so tired
-so unmotivated
-so lazy
-antisocial
-so hungry like every dang hour! but mostly everything sounds good to eat, so that's nice! no real cravings yet, except maybe comfort food. i don't want things with strong flavors anymore, like hot wings or onions. not fun to imagine burping or barfing up.
-sweets aren't necessary for me like they used to be. i guess i'm craving more salty than sweet. (that means boy)
-morning sickness is there, but not half as bad as with jax. i've thrown up maybe a total of 7 times so far. i get sick throughout the day, but i don't throw up.
- my hair is shinier, skin is clearer, and i feel prettier. (weird)
signs lead to boy....we'll see!
Monday, January 10, 2011
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